finally found the exact cadmium yellow I've been chasing since January and now the tube just sits on my desk untouched because I'm terrified of "wasting" it. I know that's insane. it's $8. I've spent more on coffee this week than this tube cost. but every painting I've done in the last two months has been "well I can't use THE yellow yet" so like, what am I even doing.

anyway I'm about to ruin it on a dumb little study nobody will ever see and I feel like I need witnesses