Got through the entire month of rent on painting alone for the first time
ok so this is going to sound small but it's not small to me: I paid September's rent with money from paintings. all of it. not half, not "mostly, plus tips" like the last few months. eight months after walking out of the café and I sat on my kitchen floor doing the math twice because I was sure I'd messed up a number somewhere. nope. it was really there.
what got me there is stupid and unglamorous. I sold three small gouache pieces at the market two weekends ago, all like 5x7, nothing precious, and then a woman I've never met messaged me about a commission for her sister's kitchen, and between those two things it just... added up. plus I stopped undercharging by 60 dollars on every piece out of pure nervousness, which honestly did most of the work.
I know it's not stable, I know October could be nothing, I'm not naive about it. but for one month the thing I do with my hands paid for the roof. my mom cried on the phone and then asked if I was eating.
anyway if you're in the messy middle of this, the month where it finally covers it does happen and it feels way better than I expected.
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The part about doing the math twice is the real thing here. I've been there with a grant payment, checking the same sum on paper and then again on the phone because the number cannot be right. It's not a small win at all, it's the moment the thing stops being a hobby you defend at dinner and becomes the thing that pays.
And the market gouache pieces are not stupid. Small and unglamorous is how most of us actually keep going. Nobody's career gets built on the big piece, it gets built on the ones that sell while you're still figuring out the big one. Eight months is fast, honestly.
the receipt thing, oh my god. I have a photo of the little notebook page with the market total on it and I refuse to delete it, it's like proof of life. and yes exactly, checking it on paper and then again on the phone because your brain won't accept it, that's the exact feeling. I kept waiting for someone to email me like "actually we need that back." still kind of waiting, honestly. the "hobby you defend at dinner" line is going to live in my head, that's the whole thing isn't it. thanks for this.