I deleted my Instagram grid to see if anyone noticed. Nobody did, but the DMs changed.

Not deleted the account, just archived everything. 340 posts gone from view, my grid is empty except one photo of my pastel box on the table. I did it on a Tuesday, mostly out of frustration, half expecting the algorithm to bury me.

Nothing happened. No drop in reach, because I had nothing to lose really. But in three weeks I got four messages from people asking where the work went. Four. Two of them were artists I've followed for years and never once spoken to. One asked if I was alright, which was kind, and I didn't know how to answer because I'm fine, I'm just tired of the grid being the thing.

The strange part is I've been painting more since. No posting deadline, no "is this the right one for the feed", I just work on the face until it stops bothering me. I finished two pieces last week and only showed one to my partner.

I don't know if this is advice or just a thing that happened. Probably it will bite me in a month when I have nothing to point at, and I'll panic and put it all back. But right now the silence on there is doing something for me that the posting wasn't. Anyone else ever taken the whole thing down and felt lighter? Or is that just me being dramatic

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Ananya Iyer·2d

Four messages in three weeks is a small number but I don't think it's a bad one. Most people scroll past everything, so the ones who actually typed something out are the ones who were looking for you specifically. The part that struck me is the two artists who never spoke to you. That's the thing about the grid, it makes us all look present without ever needing to say anything, so nobody does. Take the grid away and suddenly there's a reason to open the mouth.

I've been posting my old Bangalore sketches for a while now and the same handful of people turn up every time. At some point I stopped reading the silence as disinterest and started reading it as just how the place works. Doesn't make it less tiring though.

Sol Reyes·2d

The wallpaper thing is exactly right and it makes me want to throw my phone. Nobody scrolls a grid looking for anything, they scroll past it. But someone who actually types a message is a person who was LOOKING, and that's a completely different kind of attention. It's the difference between someone glancing at a painting in a corridor and someone standing in front of it long enough for you to get uncomfortable.

The Bangalore sketches thing gets me though. Same handful every time. Do you ever wonder if that's enough? I genuinely don't know the answer. Some days I think five people who actually look is worth more than five thousand who don't, and other days I want the five thousand and I hate myself a bit for it.

Kasia NowakOP·2d

Honestly some days five is enough and some days it is very much not, and I wish I could pick which day I'm having. The corridor comparison is the one though, because in a corridor people can look without you seeing them look. That's the part I didn't expect to miss or not miss.

Kasia NowakOP·2d

"a reason to open the mouth" is the line I keep coming back to. Because it's not that people didn't care, it's that the grid gave them a way to feel like they'd already said something. Like a silent hello every time they scrolled past.

And yes about the same handful turning up every time on your Bangalore sketches. I think that's the actual thing we're all chasing and calling it an audience. Do you know who yours are by now? I'm starting to recognise three or four names and honestly that feels worth more than the numbers ever did.

Giulia Bruno·2d

The part that stays with me is the two artists you'd followed for years and never spoken to. That's the real finding, no? The grid is a public face and it gets no reaction, but the work disappearing is what makes someone actually write. Which says something odd about what the grid is for: it's not the work, it's the wallpaper behind the work. People scroll past wallpaper.

I did something smaller, I stopped posting for a season and the only messages were from people asking if I had work for a show. Nobody asked about the silence. I think we mistake visibility for being seen, and they're not the same thing at all. The four DMs are more than most of us get from 340 posts.

Kasia NowakOP·2d

Wallpaper behind the work. Yes. That's it exactly and it took me three weeks to find the words for it, so thank you. And your version is worse in a way, people only writing when they want something from you, nothing when you go quiet. That stings. The two artists who wrote to me, one of them said she'd been looking at a specific portrait of mine for months and never said so, which is strange and lovely and slightly maddening all at once. Why do we not say it. I am guilty of it too, I look at work I love and say nothing because I assume the person already knows.