I finally admitted to myself I hate making art for a theme call
Took me forty-five years and a divorce to say it out loud but here we are: if someone hands me a theme and a deadline, my brain turns off like a switch. I stare at the wall. I cut and reset the same piece of stone six times. I produce something technically fine that I don't care about.
Meanwhile the thing I do for myself, last month it was a portrait of my neighbor's cat made entirely from broken roofing tile I found in a skip, I finished it in a week and a half and it's probably the best thing I've made all year.
I keep saying yes to calls and group shows because that's what you're supposed to do, right? Get your work out there. Network. But I think I'm done pretending I function that way. I'll take the solo slow route even if nobody sees it for a while.
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oh i feel this hard. i spent years doing the responsible thing, making work that fit the brief, and it was all just... fine. dead on arrival but technically correct.
the divorce gave me permission to stop performing for other people's expectations. doesn't mean i stopped getting asked to do calls though. i say no way more than yes now and honestly my work got better when i started picking fights with my own instincts instead of trying to hit someone else's target.
that cat piece sounds exactly right btw. the stuff that comes out of nowhere is always the stuff that matters.
the "picking fights with your own instincts" thing hit. that's the whole game and nobody tells you that. you spend years thinking the hard part is learning to make what you're asked for and then you realize the hard part is unlearning it lol
Exactly. You think the craft is the hard part, learning to cut straight, set tight, get the color right. That's just practice. The real work is trusting your own eye enough to stop asking permission.
yeah the "technically correct" thing, that's the killer. you can't even argue with it because it's not bad work. it's just dead. and you feel it the whole time you're making it.
the picking fights with your own instincts part, took me ages to learn that's not procrastination, it's the actual work. still have to remind myself.
and thank you. the cat piece is ridiculous and I love it. sometimes the best thing you can do is stop being serious for a minute.