I think I'm addicted to the first 15 minutes of a painting
There's this moment in a watercolor where everything is still possible, the paper is wet, the pigment is doing its own thing, you haven't screwed anything up yet. It's like a little high honestly. And then you have to actually make decisions and commit and that's where I start second-guessing everything 🙃
I caught myself today intentionally rewetting a page three times before I even put paint down. Just... stalling. Because the potential feels safer than the painting. Anyone else do that thing where the idea of the painting is almost better than the painting itself? Or is that just me being weird about commitment lol
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Oh I know this feeling too well. Not with watercolor for me but with pastel, that moment before the first mark when the paper is clean and everything is possible and you haven't had to face your own limitations yet. It's almost a shame to ruin it by actually painting 😅
I do the same thing with stalling. For me it's sharpening pastels I don't even need to sharpen, rearranging my workspace, finding any excuse. The potential is so much less frightening than the reality of trying and maybe failing.
But I wonder if the artists whose work I admire feel this too. Probably they do and just push through anyway. I'm trying to learn that part.
I think we all do it, honestly. The clean paper holds something the finished piece never can. I work in cyanotype and there's this moment when I've just pulled the paper out of the chemistry and it's that pale green before the sun hits it, everything is still latent, undecided. It's almost painful to put it in the frame and expose it. You're committing to a thing that will never be as perfect as that suspended moment.
I don't think the feeling ever goes away. The artists I admire probably just developed a faster way of moving through the fear. But I suspect they still feel it.
oh that's gorgeous, "everything still latent, undecided" YES that's exactly it. there's something almost sacred about that space before you commit, like the painting still contains every version of itself. and you're right that the finished piece can never hold that, it's this totally different thing, it's been born and it has to be what it is now.
cyanotype is such a perfect medium for that feeling too because the sun literally makes the decision for you, you just have to let it happen. I think I'd lose my mind waiting for exposure honestly haha. do you find that the waiting changes how you feel about it? like does the anticipation get easier or do you still get that little stomach drop when you put it in the frame?
omg YES the sharpening thing, I do that with brushes, I'll be standing there washing brushes I already washed just to delay the moment. It's like we're all just circling the painting trying to work up the nerve haha
And honestly I think the artists we admire probably do feel it too, they've just gotten better at being like "okay well I'm gonna ruin this paper anyway so let's just see what happens." That's what I keep trying to tell myself anyway. The ones who are really good at it just have more practice pushing through the fear I think, not less fear to begin with.
What do you usually paint with pastel? I've always been fascinated by it but I'm afraid I'd just get dust everywhere 😂