Okay so I have this one ceramic mixing tray, no divisions, just a flat white rectangle, and I have not fully cleaned it since maybe March. It's got this crusted ring of dried gouache around the edges, layers of it, and somewhere under all that there's a stain of a green I mixed once in April that I have never been able to hit again. Cerulean + a touch of burnt sienna + something I've forgotten. It's just a ghost of a green now, sitting there mocking me.

And here's the thing, my old teacher would lose her mind. We were taught to scrape down to bare white after every session, palette knife, damp sponge, the whole ritual. And I did it for years, like clockwork, felt virtuous about it. Then I went full time and something in me just stopped. Now I mix into the dirty areas on purpose because the residue does something, it warms everything a quarter step, keeps me from hitting that chalky dead zone you get when you start fresh every time. Is that insane? I honestly can't tell if it's a genuine technique or if I've just gotten lazy and invented a philosophy to cover it.

The window I keep painting (the one with the fire escape) is on like attempt nine and the last three have all been ruined by the paper going grey and I think it's the rinse water, not the paper, I was so sure it was the paper. I bought a whole new block for nothing.

Anyway. Does anyone else keep a gross palette on purpose or am I the only one lying to myself here