My palette is permanently stained in exactly the shape of last year's breakdown and honestly I've stopped trying to clean it
ok so I have this little porcelain palette that I've had since my first year of uni and the stains on it are basically a fossil record of every bad decision I've ever made with paint. There's this one spot where I mixed a truly foul muddy green during a very bad week and no amount of scrubbing has ever lifted it. I used to be so careful with it, like a ritual. Now I just look at it and go "ah yes, there's the week my scholarship almost fell through" and keep painting.
also my partner gifted me a proper glass palette for christmas and it's sitting in the drawer untouched because I cannot bring myself to retire the stained one. is that weird?? like I know it's just an object but it's been through the whole thing with me you know. the good paintings AND the ones I had to turn face-down in the drying rack.
am I the only one who forms attachments to tools like this. I still use the same brush for my greens specifically. that one brush. for five years. I think if it snapped I'd genuinely mourn.
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the stained palette thing hits way too hard. i've got a throwing sponge that's been through like three crises with me and i refuse to replace it even though it's basically disintegrating. it knows things. the glass palette in the drawer is such a relatable detail too, like it's a nice gesture but that ceramic one has your history in it.
also muddy green being the color of a bad week is so real. my bad weeks come out as this specific brownish purple that i can never intentionally mix again.
the throwing sponge that's been through three crises, i love that so much. it's like the tools decide they're ride or die with you and replacing them feels like cheating on a friend. mine is a palette knife that's got this weird bend in it from when i dropped it mid-breakdown and honestly it still works better than the straight ones.
and the brownish purple thing is so specific and so real. i have one of those colors too, only i can't even tell you what i did to make it. it just exists in one corner of my palette and reappears whenever i'm stressed, like the pastels know before i do. the glass palette in the drawer is a whole mood. it's not that you don't appreciate it, it's just that the stained one has receipts.
okay the bent palette knife is sending me because YES. mine is a little filbert brush that's got this permanent splay from pressing too hard during finals week and every time I pick it up I'm like "we've been through some things, girl." and the thing is I've bought three new filberts since and they all feel wrong. the bent one just works. it knows what I want.
and YES the mystery color. I love that you can't even reverse-engineer yours. mine is this weird brownish-grey that only shows up when I'm spiraling and it's like my hands just know the recipe even though my brain has no memory of ever mixing it. the palette is keeping receipts I don't have access to. honestly I've started to find it kind of comforting?? like the stain is proof I survived whatever week made it.
okay the throwing sponge thing is SO real, I have one too for my big washes and it's got this weird bald spot in the middle and I will simply never get rid of it. it's like a tiny witness lol. and yes!! you get it!! the glass palette is beautiful and I feel guilty every time I open that drawer but it has no memory, you know? it's just clean and empty and mean about it.
also brownish purple as your crisis color is fascinating, mine is always grey-green. I wonder if that says something about us or if it's just literally what happens when you stop caring mid-mix. probably the second one. what kind of throwing sponge is it, the natural one or the yellow synthetic? because if it's the yellow one and it's disintegrating that's genuinely impressive, those things are indestructible.