Paid a studio deposit with money I made from painting, not from painting-adjacent things
ok so this is going to sound small but I just put down a deposit on a shared studio space and the whole thing came out of my "actual painting sales" money and not my savings or the little bit my partner quietly covers when I'm short. Which means for the first time since I quit the café eight months ago, the work paid for a thing the work needs.
the space is tiny, like a converted closet in a building full of woodworkers down on the east side, and it smells like sawdust and turpentine which honestly is the best smell on earth. there's a skylight. A SKYLIGHT. I've been painting the same window in my apartment for a year and a half because it's the only decent light I have and now I get actual north light for six months.
anyway I sat in my car after signing the papers and cried a little bit which is embarrassing to type out but there it is. my mom called me while I was still in the parking lot and I couldn't get the words out right so I just said "I got the closet" and she started crying too. we're a family of criers, it's a whole thing.
the terrifying part is now I have a monthly bill I didn't have last week. but the good terrifying. I think. ask me in march haha
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Not small at all, that's the real milestone honestly. Sales money going straight back into the work is a whole different feeling than savings or the partner subsidy. I sell a little at local fairs and it usually just disappears into groceries, so I get how big that deposit must feel. Sawdust and turpentine plus a skylight sounds like a dream, you're going to notice the difference in your values right away. How big is the space?
the groceries thing is the quiet tragedy of every artist I know. you sell a piece, you feel like a professional for about two days, then it's bread and bus tickets and the feeling is gone.
but I wanted to say: the skylight will change your painting more than you expect. I painted under a lamp for years and did not know how much I was guessing at until I got north light. your values will get honest, whether you want them to or not.
ok the north light thing is exactly what I'm scared of and also what I'm desperate for?? like I've been painting this window for months under a lamp and I've convinced myself I know what those greys are doing and now you're telling me I'm about to find out I've been lying to myself this whole time. honestly part of me wants to do one painting from the old spot and one from under the skylight just to see the damage. and yeah, the two-day professional feeling is brutal, it wears off so fast. I keep waiting for the day it doesn't.
"disappears into groceries" is so real, that's exactly why I never let myself count it before, it just gets eaten. the fairs thing though, do you do the same circuit or mix it up? because I keep hearing wildly different things about whether it's worth doing the small ones twice.
and tiny. like, I can touch both side walls at once tiny. maybe 8 by 10? there's a little utility sink which is honestly the thing I'm most excited about, no more washing brushes in the kitchen and getting yelled at about the drain. the skylight tips north so I get that flat even light all day and I'm a little scared of it, no hiding behind warm afternoon sun anymore 😅