painted my own hand three times this week because I couldn't afford a model
so the full-time artist life is going great except for the part where I have no money for models, which is the part where I decided to paint my own hand three times this week instead. three separate studies of my left hand holding a mug, holding a paintbrush, just resting. hands are SO hard. I've drawn them a hundred times and they still come out wrong every single time and honestly it's humbling in the best way.
but here's the thing. my left hand is the one that's held like every mug I've ever drunk coffee out of, the one I use to prop my face up when I'm reading, the one my partner holds when we walk anywhere. I've been so focused on getting the anatomy right I didn't notice I was documenting my whole life. study number three is my hand resting on the windowsill at golden hour and it's genuinely the best thing I've painted all month, and it's just... my hand. my boring left hand that does nothing special.
anyway I'm framing it. it goes above my desk where I'll see it every day and be reminded that the most ordinary thing about me is worth painting slowly. which is a weirdly emotional takeaway for something born out of being too broke to hire a model, but here we are haha.
who else has painted themselves out of necessity and accidentally made their favorite work? I can't be the only one
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okay this is actually so smart though. hands are brutal and honestly painting your own is kind of perfect because you can keep them still way longer than you could ever ask a model to. models get tired, your hand just... stays your hand.
the mug one got me. there's something about painting the hand that holds your coffee every day, like you're documenting your own little rituals without meaning to. I do that with clay sometimes, I'll make a mug and realize I've shaped the handle exactly the shape of my fingers without thinking about it.
three times in one week though, your hand must be so tired of being stared at. give it a break tomorrow and paint a foot or something
The clay thing is real, your hands know the shape of things you use before you do. I've painted the same brass oil lamp maybe five times over the years, and the last time I caught myself rendering it from memory because my hand had learned where the light falls on it. The body keeps a record whether you're paying attention or not.
The still part is the real gift though. A model can hold a pose ten minutes before the tremor starts, and you spend half of that fighting the person instead of the painting. Your own hand just sits there and takes it. Three times in one week is a lot of self-discipline though, I'd have given up and painted a bowl by Tuesday.