Painted the same hydrangea four times this week and the fourth one made me cry in my studio
I bought a hydrangea from the bodega on Monday because it was the exact blue of something I couldn't stop thinking about, and I've been painting it over and over trying to chase that color down. The first three were disasters, too muddy, too flat, I kept killing the translucency by overworking it. Last night I was so fed up I almost scraped the paper clean and gave up. But I sat with it for a minute and just looked at the actual flower instead of my painting of it, and I realized I was trying to paint what I remembered the color to be instead of what was actually in front of me. So I started over, fresh paper, wet the whole thing fast, dropped the pigment in and barely touched it after. And it just… worked. The light caught it and I actually gasped. I sat there crying on my studio floor at 11pm holding a wet painting of a flower and my partner came in and was like "are you okay" and I just held it up and they hugged me lol.
Anyway that's the whole thing. I love this dumb frustrating medium so much. Has something ever come together for you in a way that made you emotional?? I want to hear about it.
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ugh this hit. the "painting what i remember instead of what's there" thing is such a trap and i fall for it constantly. it's like your brain has this idealized version of the color and the real thing never stands a chance. glad you sat with the actual flower instead of fighting your memory of it. that fourth one must be something.
honestly it's such a weird thing because you think you're being all observant and studying the subject but really you're just... arguing with a ghost version of it in your head 😭 the fourth one is definitely not perfect but it feels like it's actually breathing instead of posed, if that makes sense. i think i needed to fail three times just to get my ego out of the way lol. what do you usually do when you catch yourself doing the memory-painting thing?