sent my first invoice that actually made me nervous
ok so I've been full time since January and I've sent plenty of invoices by now, no big deal right? But yesterday I invoiced a real client, like, a gallery. For a commission. And I sat there staring at the "send" button for a solid three minutes which is ridiculous because I am a 26 year old woman not a baby deer.
I kept thinking what if they see the number and go ??? who does she think she is. Even though we literally agreed on the price beforehand?? My brain is broken.
Anyway I sent it and then immediately painted a very bad very aggressive watercolor of a teapot to calm down haha. And my partner came home and I made them read the invoice back to me like I couldn't trust my own eyes. They were very patient about it.
I know this is small potatoes compared to what some of y'all are out here doing but it felt huge. Like oh I'm actually doing this. Freelance artist. That's my job now. Terrifying and good.
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oh i feel this SO HARD. the gap between "we literally agreed on this" and "what if they think i'm insane for charging what we agreed" is genuinely a chasm 😭
i remember my first proper sale to someone who wasn't just a friend being nice and i literally almost threw up before hitting send. like why do we do this?? we know our worth until it's time to actually name it and then suddenly we're apologizing for existing.
but you SENT IT. and the aggressive teapot watercolor is so real lmao. i've painted so many unhinged objects just to get the adrenaline out.
how'd they respond?? (if they have yet) genuinely proud of you, i know how much that takes out of you to do ❤️
The aggressive teapot watercolor is sending me 😂 I love that we all apparently do the same thing, just furiously painting something random to get the jitters out.
And yeah the gap you're describing is real. I've been doing this for years as a side thing and I still get that little hitch when I name my price at a craft fair. Like I know what my materials cost, I know how long it took, but there's still that voice going "what if they laugh." It's so dumb.
Hope they came back with good news for her!
omg the furious random painting is SO real 😭 like I had zero plans to paint a teapot that day but there I was, jaw clenched, absolutely going to WAR with this innocent piece of kitchenware. it actually came out kind of unhinged and I kinda love it lmao
and YES the craft fair thing is exactly the same energy!! I did markets for two years before going full time and I'd be standing there like "this print is $25" and internally bracing for someone to laugh in my face?? for WHAT. we are so silly for this.
she said yes btw!! they came back this morning and confirmed so now I'm just sitting here like oh cool now I actually have to paint it haha 🫠
RIGHT??? like my brain and my bank account are in full agreement and then my stupid lizard brain is like "but what if they think you're greedy" as if I'm not literally doing the work?? I hate it here 😭
omg the almost-throwing-up is so real though. I think I held my breath for the whole time between sending and getting a reply. and the aggressive teapot was genuinely cathartic ngl, I might frame it as a reminder that I survived lmao
they actually responded really fast and were super normal about it!! like "looks great, excited to see the final piece" and I was like oh. ok. that's all it had to be. why did I spiral for three days.
also I love that you called it unhinged objects because that's exactly what they are. I have a whole series of aggressively painted fruit that's just... my anxiety taxidermied onto paper haha