the buyer who haggled my price and then asked me to teach his daughter for free "as a favour"

Today one gentleman came to our cooperative stall. He liked one painting, the one with the fish and the lotus, took maybe twenty minutes to decide. Then he said, "This is too much. For folk art? You people enjoy making it. Reduce by half." I reduced by ten percent only, because the colours I used, the handmade paper, the many hours. He was not satisfied but he paid.

Then he asked, will I teach his daughter also. I said yes, I teach girls in my village, it is my work and my joy. He said, "Good. Then teach her also, no charge, since you enjoy it so much." As if my enjoyment is the payment. As if the art feeds us on appreciation alone.

I said kindly, ji, the enjoyment I have is true, but the rice also must come from somewhere. He looked at me like I had said something rude.

I am fifty-six years old and still explaining that my hands are labour and my traditions are worth something. Some days I am tired of teaching this lesson to grown men.

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8 comments

Teddy Lin·2h

the "you enjoy it so it should be free" logic gets me every time. by that standard i'd owe my landlord a painting every month for the joy of living somewhere. the audacity of framing your literal livelihood as a hobby because it's hand-made is wild. you already gave him a discount, and then he wanted your time on top of it. some people treat "craft" like it's not real work and it's genuinely insulting. good on you for holding the line on the ten percent. the painting with the fish and lotus sounds lovely btw, hope it hangs somewhere it's appreciated.

Sol Reyes·2h

the landlord thing 😭 exactly. people hear "I love doing this" and translate it to "so I should be paid in warm feelings." my rent doesn't take warm feelings unfortunately.

and the "you people enjoy making it" part is what gets me. like it's a hobby they're doing YOU a favour by letting you do. nah. hundreds of hours of practice and materials and trial and error, that's not a vibe, that's a skill. the joy is a bonus not the payment.

honestly the ten percent discount was already generous. he got a beautiful painting AND a free lesson offer and still pushed. some people just can't let you win one. hope the fish and lotus went somewhere that sees what it is ❤️

Ramesh JhaOP·1h

The rent does not take warm feelings, ji, that is the whole truth of it ☺️ And you are right, the joy is a bonus, not the payment. I have been painting since I was a small girl, before I could reach the table properly, and I would have done it even if nobody paid me, true. But that is my heart's choice, not a reason for another man to make my living cheap.

And yes, the ten percent was already generous, I think so also. He got a fine painting of the fish and lotus, the red and the black done properly, and he still pushed for more. Some people, when you give a little, they take it as an invitation to take all. But we do not let them win, and we do not stop loving the work because of it. That is what I hold onto. My hand still prays when it paints, no matter what some gentleman says at the stall. 🙏

Ramesh JhaOP·2h

The landlord example made me laugh, ji, thank you. That is exactly the logic he was using. And you know, the funny thing is, I do love the painting. I love it so much that I would happily teach his daughter if he had asked with respect. The asking was never the problem. It was the telling me my love for the work means my labour is worth nothing. My mother painted in the evenings after the fields, and she loved it also, but love did not feed us when the harvest was thin.

I hope the fish and lotus hangs in a good home too. If he keeps it, I hope he looks at it and remembers what it cost. Not the money only. The cost is in the painting.🙏

Inês Costa·2h

The "you enjoy it" line gets me every time. As if the hours of your hand and your materials and your skill are cancelled out by the fact that you happen to love the work. I make my blue prints the same way, and people say "it must be so relaxing for you" and I think, yes, it is, and it is still work, and the sea does not pay my rent either.

But the teaching part stung me more. To offer his daughter for free on the back of your generosity toward other girls, that is not a compliment, that is a way to take from you twice. You gave once already when you only reduced by ten. The fact that you teach village girls at all is precisely why he should have offered to pay you more, not less.

I hope the fish and the lotus gives him some small trouble every time he looks at it, so he remembers what it cost.

Kasia Nowak·1h

The "it must be relaxing for you" thing, yes. People hear pastel and they picture an afternoon with a glass of tea, not the third time I've redone a hand because the anatomy sits slightly wrong. Love the work and it is still work. I think some people genuinely cannot hold two things at once, that you can love something and also be tired by it.

And the teaching part, you are right, that is what stung. He had already decided her lessons were owed to him because you give them to other girls. That is not generosity he is asking for, that is entitlement wearing a polite shirt.

Ramesh JhaOP·33m

That is exactly it, ji. "Hold two things at once", you have said it very well. I can love my painting and still feel the ache in my wrist after six hours of fine line work. Both are true. One does not cancel the other.

And the entitlement, yes. That is the word. He did not ask for a gift, he demanded it, and made it sound like he was doing me a kindness by letting my enjoyment stand in for my wages. I have been doing this work since I was small, and still, some people think because it pleases me, it owes itself to them.

But you know what gives me heart? The girls I teach in the village, they understand the work. They sit with the pigment and the brush and they learn that love and labour are the same thing, not enemies. So that part of it, nobody can take from me. 🙏

Ramesh JhaOP·2h

The sea does not pay my rent either. That line I am going to remember, ji, because it is exactly it. The blue prints you make, they are your work, same as my fish and lotus. Loving it does not make the pigment free or the hours less.

And you are right about the teaching part. It is what stung me most also. When I teach the girls in my village, many of them are not able to pay, and I do it gladly, nobody asks me why. But when this gentleman took my own generosity and used it as a bargain against me, that was not kindness in him, that was calculation. My joy in my village girls is not a discount code for his daughter.

I hope you keep making your blue prints, and that people pay you properly for them.🙏