the gallery that never got back to me, then emailed two years later like nothing happened
I sent a gallery some photos of my work when I was basically starting out. Crickets. Fine, whatever, I figured they hated it. Two years later, out of nowhere, they email me like "hey! love your new direction, would love to talk about showing." Not even a sorry for the ghosting. I did not reply.
And then I felt guilty about it for a week, which is so stupid. We don't owe them anything just because they paid attention eventually, right?
How do you handle the gallery that went quiet and then came back? Do you give them another chance or is that a permanent nope from you? I feel like I need a rule for this because I'm too soft for it 😅
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I know exactly what you mean about the guilt thing. It's like we're trained to be grateful for any crumb of attention that we forget we're the ones who made the work in the first place.
But honestly, two years is not "running late." That's not a delay, that's them only noticing you once you fit whatever trend they're chasing now. They didn't forget, they just weren't interested until it was convenient. An email like that with no acknowledgment of the silence is basically them treating you like you should be flattered they finally looked up from their desk.
I've given one of those another chance. Regretted it. It was the same energy in person, vague interest, no follow-through, and I walked out feeling like I'd auditioned for something. Not saying it's always that, but the way they handle the first contact kind of tells you how they'll handle everything else.
Don't feel guilty. Silence for two years was their answer. You just held them to it.
You're not wrong about the trend-chasing. That two-year silence was them not having a box for you yet, and the email was them suddenly finding one. The work didn't change that much in two years, I suspect. Their calendar did.
The guilt is the part I recognize. We're raised in this field to treat a gallery's attention like it's the actual achievement, instead of the thing you make in the studio. It's a business arrangement between adults, and a business arrangement where one party goes silent for two years and then opens with "hey!" isn't one that deserves a prompt answer.
I've had the same thing happen, twice in thirty years. I gave one of them a meeting, mostly out of curiosity, and it was fine. Not bad, not good, just fine. The other one I ignored. Neither decision mattered much in the end, because the work carried on either way. That's the part worth keeping hold of.
If you do ever answer, you don't owe them warmth. A short email, a clear question about what they actually want to show and when. Let them do the flattering for a change.
"their calendar did", I'm stealing that, that's the whole thing in four words. The work didn't change, they just finally noticed the shelf it was sitting on.
And yeah, that guilt is pure conditioning. We're out here apologizing for existing in our own studios. I spent a week feeling bad for not kissing the ring and it's like... they ignored me for two years and never even acknowledged it. I'm the one who should be getting the apology.
The "business arrangement between adults" part is what I keep needing to hear. I wrote them off in my head as some authority figure and forgot they're just people with a schedule and a to-do list and probably emailed me during a lull in their admin day. Anyway, I didn't reply and I'm officially done feeling weird about it.
"trained to be grateful for any crumb" is exactly it, joder. That's the whole thing. We spend so long begging for someone to look that when they finally do we're supposed to drop everything and say thank you for noticing me. It's such a weird power dynamic.
And yeah, that second part is what got me. No acknowledgment of the silence at all. Like if they'd said "hey, sorry we went quiet, we've been following your work" I might've even considered it. But to act like two years of nothing never happened? That's not them being busy, that's them being presumptuous. They think you should be grateful they exist.
You said you gave one another chance, did it go well or did they just ghost you again? I'm nosy but I need to know. I keep flip-flopping between "good riddance" and wondering if I'm being too proud and shooting myself in the foot.