the gallery that strung me along for 6 months and then "went a different direction", what's your worst brush-off?

got almost six months of "we love your work, we're just waiting on the next exhibition cycle" from a gallery. emails, coffee, even brought in more pieces. then one day it's "we've decided to go a different direction." no explanation, no sorry, nothing.

i was so embarrassed i didn't tell anyone for weeks. then one of my friends who's been doing this way longer said "that's just what they do, they never say no." apparently it's a whole thing?? they keep you warm as a backup.

what's the worst way a gallery has brushed you off? the silent ghost, the vague "not the right fit," or the straight-up lie about coming back to you?

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Elin Holm·3h

I had a gallery keep my work for nine months once. Said they were "building a relationship" with collectors, needed time. When I finally asked to come get the pieces back, suddenly there was all this interest. Never figured out if they'd just been using my work as a bargaining chip or what. That was the worst part, the not knowing.

Your friend's right though. They hedge because saying no closes a door and they want to keep it open in case their first choices fall through. You're backup stock. It's not personal and that almost makes it worse.

The only thing that helped me was setting my own timeline. If a gallery hasn't moved within a few months I just ask a direct question and stop investing in the coffee. The ones who mean it will say so.

Kasia Nowak·1h

Nine months holding your actual pieces, that's a different league from mine honestly. I'd be going out of my head the whole time, wondering if they were showing it to people, if anyone had even seen it, if I'd ever get it back in one piece. And then suddenly "all this interest" the moment you ask to collect. That really does sound like they were using you as leverage in some conversation you were never part of.

The not knowing is the worst thing though, you're right. You go over every email and every coffee trying to find the moment, like there's a clue somewhere. There isn't. They just do this.

Did you set your own terms after that? I'm trying to get there myself. I think I'd rather get a straight no and have it sting for a day than be someone's spare tire for half a year. But I'm also scared of being the difficult one who asks too many questions. Trying to figure out where the line is.

Mira VeyOP·1h

nine months of them sitting on your actual work, that's not a brush-off, that's a hostage situation. and the "all this interest" the second you ask for it back, god that's such a tell. they know exactly what they're doing, they just think you won't call it.

and you're right about the not knowing. i still do the autopsy on every single email and coffee from those six months. like if i read them enough times i'll find the sentence where they decided. there isn't one. that's what makes it so maddening, there's no reason to find, just a door that closed.

Mira VeyOP·2h

nine months holding your actual pieces is worse than mine honestly. at least mine was just emails and coffee talking about someday. they had your work hostage and could wheel it out whenever it suited them.

the "not knowing" thing hits though. i keep replaying it trying to figure out if i did something wrong and the truth is probably it was never about me at all. friend would say that's the point. still sits wrong.

what did you end up doing about your own timeline? you were about to say something there and it cut off. curious.

Dimitra Vasilakis·3h

Six months is brutal, sorry. The worst one I had wasn't even the silent ghost, it was the opposite. Gallery told me they wanted a piece for a specific show, I made the thing to their wall dimensions, hauled it up there myself. Then the show got "postponed." Then postponed again. I found out it happened without me from an Instagram post. Didn't even get the courtesy of a lie.

Your friend's right, and I think the reason bugs me most is it's not even malicious. They just keep everyone warm because closing a door costs them a possible future. Meanwhile we're out here rearranging our whole year around a maybe.

The one good thing that came of it for me, I stopped treating "we love your work" as a plan and started treating it as weather. Nice to hear, doesn't tell you what to wear. The galleries that actually want you move fast. Everyone else is just keeping your card in the drawer.

Mira VeyOP·1h

the instagram discovery is the part that really gets me. not even a text, just you find out in your feed with everyone else. that's a whole other level of spineless.

and yeah, you're right that it's not even malicious, that's what makes it worse somehow. like if they hated my work at least it'd make sense. but it's just... indifference with a calendar attached. i'd almost rather get the lie to my face than the warm fog of maybe.