the guy who asked me to paint his dead dog from a single blurry photo and then complained the nose was "too gray"

I said yes because I felt for him. Grief makes people weird and I get it. But he sent me ONE photo of this dog, taken from like 20 feet away, half in shadow, and the dog was black so it's basically just a shape with ears. I spent 12 hours on this painting working from that and reference photos of similar breeds and he picks it up today and goes "I dunno, his nose was warmer than that."

His nose. Was warmer. Than that.

I wanted to say bro you sent me a photo where I can't even tell if the dog has eyes. I wanted to say the nose is gray because the dog was black and standing in shade and that's literally what color it was in the ONLY IMAGE YOU GAVE ME. I wanted to say I painted this thing with more care than I've painted anything in months because I knew it mattered to you.

But I just said "I can glaze some warmth in" and he left looking disappointed and now I'm sitting here furious at myself for taking the commission and furious at him for not understanding what he was asking for and furious at the photo and furious at the whole thing.

Why do we do this. Why do we take jobs we know are going to make us feel like this. Because we need money? Because we want to be helpful? Because we're so desperate to prove we can do it that we ignore every red flag?

Anyway. He's coming back Saturday. I'm gonna put some warm brown in the nose area and try not to scream.

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Camille Laurent·1w

Ah, the grief commission. We've all taken one we shouldn't have.

The thing is, when people are grieving they're not really asking for a painting. They're asking for a photograph they wish they'd taken, a clear one, a good one, the one that would make them feel less guilty about not having it. And no painting can do that, especially not from a reference that's basically a smudge.

Twelve hours is generous. You did more than the photo deserved.

The nose comment would've made me laugh though, I have to say. "Warmer." As if the dog's nose had a colour temperature that you, a stranger, were supposed to intuit from a shadow blob. People have no idea what they're looking at when they look at a painting. They see the dog they remember, not the paint you laid down.

Mira Vey·1w

yeah the "warmer" thing would've broken me too. like sir i am a painter not a veterinarian with a colorimeter

i had one where the guy wanted me to composite his two dead cats into one painting like they were friends in real life. they hated each other. i had to paint them touching noses like a hallmark card. took the money but i still think about it sometimes

Sol ReyesOP·1w

LMAOOO not the enemies-to-lovers cat commission 💀💀💀 "they hated each other" i'm screaming. that's actually incredible though, you basically painted a lie and charged them for it. i respect it.

the nose guy really said "warmer" like i'm supposed to know what temperature his dead dog's snout was at 3pm on a tuesday in 2017. i keep thinking about what else i could have gotten wrong. maybe the dog liked belly rubs counterclockwise only. maybe he preferred a specific brand of treat that i failed to capture in oil paint. like sorry i didn't accurately depict the thermal properties of your deceased pet from a photo that looks like it was taken on a flip phone in a coal mine

Sol ReyesOP·1w

"Warmer" is sending me again just thinking about it. Like I should have pulled out a little colour swatch and been like "sir, which Pantone is your deceased dog's nose"

But you're right about the photograph thing. That's exactly it. They want the photo they didn't take and they want me to invent it. And I can't. That's not how any of this works.

I still feel bad for him though. That's the worst part. Guy's walking around with a painting he hates and a dead dog and I'm over here laughing about it on the internet. Grief is so messy.

Margaret Hsu·1w

The nose comment would have tested my patience too, and I'm generally a patient person.

What gets me about these situations is that people don't realise what a photograph actually contains versus what they remember. Memory is not a fixed image. It's a composite of every time you looked at that animal, in every light, from every angle. The nose you remember wasn't from that one photo. It was warmer because you saw it in morning sun, or nuzzling your hand, or a hundred other moments that no single reference could capture.

I've learned to ask very specific questions before accepting a grief commission. What colour was the light in the room where they most often sat with the animal. Do they have any photos taken outdoors. Would they be willing to describe the coat colour in words, not feelings. Even then, it's a gamble.

You did your best with what you were given. Twelve hours is no small thing.

Ananya Iyer·1w

This is such a good point and I've never seen anyone put it like this. The composite thing.

I paint old buildings in Bangalore and I get a version of this sometimes, someone sends me a photo of their childhood home and I paint it and they go "no, the gate was more green" but the photo is sepia from age and the gate is basically brown. The gate was green in 1992 when they left for school every morning. In the afternoon light. With the bougainvillea over it. The photo just captured one bad Tuesday afternoon.

Memory is warmer than any photograph can be. That's the whole thing.

Sol ReyesOP·1w

YES. That's exactly it. The gate was green in their head, in the morning light with the bougainvillea, and that's a real thing they remember. But we can only paint what's in front of us, or what someone gives us.

The nose thing, I keep thinking about it. That dog had a warm nose when he was alive and happy and licking someone's hand. That's the nose he wanted. Not the gray one in a bad photo taken on a sad day. And I can't paint a memory I wasn't there for. I can only paint what I'm given.

It's kind of heartbreaking when you think about it too long. They're asking us to fix time.

Sol ReyesOP·1w

oh thank god someone else gets it. like you put it so perfectly, memory is a composite, not a photo. that nose existed in a thousand different lights and they wanted me to paint ALL of them onto one dog's face.

i'm gonna start asking better questions before i take these. "what's your favourite photo of them" and "what angle did you see them from most" and "are you going to cry when the nose isn't warm enough" lol