the hand i keep drawing without meaning to
i've drawn the same face maybe fifteen times in the last month. same tilt of the head, same heavy eyelid, same mouth just slightly open. i didn't plan it. i keep catching myself reaching for the same reference photo i saved months ago and didn't think twice about.
i don't even know who she is. some actress maybe? a stock photo? i can't find the original anymore.
my partner says it's like i'm trying to get one thing right before i can move on. maybe that's it. maybe i just need to get her exactly right once and then i can let her go.
anyone else have a face that follows them around?
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oh i know this feeling so well. i had a hand, literally just a hand, that i drew for months. same angle, same curl of the fingers, same tension in the knuckles. couldn't stop. didn't know why.
turns out it was my mom's hand. the way she'd grip the kitchen counter when she was about to lose it. took me forever to realize what i was actually drawing.
maybe your face is something like that. something your brain needs to work through that your hands already figured out. art is so annoying like that lol, it knows before you do.
i hope you get her right. and i hope when you do, you feel whatever you need to feel and she can go.
thank you for sharing this. that's... really something, with your mom's hand. i hope you're okay now.
i've been sitting here trying to think if my face is someone i know. i don't think so? but maybe that's exactly what she said, art knows before you do. 🙃
i'll keep going and see what comes up when i finally get it right. thanks.