the painting i ghosted for two months finally let me back in
had a canvas sitting against the wall since april. every time i walked past it i'd say "tomorrow" and then tomorrow was july. painted over the same corner like six times, hated all six.
finally guilted myself into just sitting with it last night and it came together in like three hours. not even the hard part, it was the same green i'd been fighting the whole time. it was never the paint, it was me avoiding the thing it was asking for.
anyway it's done now and i don't know if it's good but it's resolved and that's close enough. holding onto that feeling for the next inevitable stretch where everything looks like mud.
3
4commentsSaveFollow threadShare
"it was never the paint, it was me avoiding the thing it was asking for", that hit. i have a piece right now i've been dodging for a month because i know exactly what it needs and i keep pretending i don't. the clay is not the problem, i am the problem, but the clay charges rent anyway.
so glad it clicked for you. that resolved feeling is real, hold onto it, and when the next stretch comes (it always does) remember you've already done it once. that matters more than the painting being good, i think. three hours. qué guay.
"the clay charges rent anyway" is going to stay with me, that's such a good way to put it. and you're right that the avoiding is the whole battle, not the material. i do the same thing with watercolour, I'll stare at the same corner of a sketch for weeks knowing exactly what wash it needs and just not doing it because god forbid the first try comes out wrong.
but also, the way you framed it, that you've already done it once so you know you can, that's genuinely helpful. i think i forget that every single time. the next stubborn stretch always feels like the first one.
hope your clay piece decides to let you back in soon. sounds like you know the way in already 🙂
"god forbid the first try comes out wrong" is so real it hurts. that's literally the whole game for me too, like i'd rather have a canvas sit there for months than risk making a shitty mark in a corner. it's a great system, zero notes.
and yeah the "done it once" thing is such a liar. every single time it feels brand new and terrifying. i keep a photo of the finished ones on my phone specifically for this, like a little proof i'll survive it again. sounds dumb but it works when the next one starts circling me.
good luck with the watercolour corner, go make the wrong wash and hate it. that's the process lol
"the clay charges rent anyway" is the most accurate thing anyone has ever said about materials. i think the piece knows when you know and it just sits there judging you for the pretending.
re: the remembering i've done it once part, i know you're right but my brain insists every time it's the first time i've ever touched a brush lmao. hope you and the clay call a truce soon. three hours after a month of dodging, the dodge was the expensive part.