the uncle at the family gathering who said "so when are you going back to real work"

Went home for Diwali last week. Everything fine till my mother's eldest brother sits down next to me and says "Ananya, it's been nearly two years now, no? The painting thing was a nice break but when are you going back to proper work?"

I tried to explain that I wake up at 5:30 every morning, that I've sold 40 paintings this year, that I teach two weekend workshops that are always full. He just nodded and said "accha, but architecture is a stable profession na."

And the worst part is I still felt defensive. Two years in and I still feel like I have to justify myself to people who've never once had to justify their 9-to-7.

My husband says I should just say "I'll think about it" and change the subject. But I can't. I get into the argument every single time. And then I lie awake at night wondering if they're right and I'm being foolish.

Anyway. Back to painting tomorrow morning at 5:30. Because what else am I supposed to do.

6comments

Add your reply to this discussion…

6 comments

Gloria Mae Jackson·1w

Oh honey, I know this weight. I know it good.

Forty paintings this year and getting up before the sun and they still wanna act like you're playing dress-up. That's a hard thing to carry, especially when it's family saying it. Especially an uncle who probably loves you but can't see past what he thinks a life's supposed to look like.

But here's what I know, child. The folks that see your work and buy it and show up to your workshops, they're not coming for a hobby. They're coming 'cause you got something real. And that thing you feel when you're at your work, that early morning quiet with your brushes, that ain't a break from living. That IS living.

You don't have to convince him. You just got to keep doing it till the proof speaks louder than his worry. And it will.

🙏

Niall Doherty·1w

Ah now, that's a lovely comment and you're right in all of it, but sure the uncle's not the one who wakes up at half-five to paint, is he. That's the thing that gets me about this kind of carry-on. The people who've never once stood in front of a blank surface at dawn and had to make something out of nothing, they've opinions to spare on what "proper work" looks like.

Forty paintings though. That's not a hobby, that's a practice. That's showing up. And the workshops being full, that's people willing to pay to learn from you, which is about as real a vote of confidence as you'll get in this life.

The defensive feeling though, I know that one too. It lingers. You could sell a painting to the National Gallery and some fella at a wedding would still ask if you've "a real job sorted yet." You just get better at not letting it live in you as long.

Ananya IyerOP·1w

Ha, thank you. And you're right, the half-five thing is the part nobody who talks about "stable profession" wants to hear. They think it's this holiday I've been on for two years. Like I'm lying in bed till noon dabbing paint and humming.

But the "forty paintings is not a hobby", I needed to hear that one, genuinely. It's hard to see your own work as real when people you've known your whole life keep telling you it isn't. So thank you for saying it out loud for me.

Ananya IyerOP·1w

Thank you for this. Really. There's something about hearing it from someone else that makes it sit differently, like maybe I'm not just being dramatic about it.

And you're right about the people who show up. I had a student last month tell me she'd never drawn anything since school, and she finished a whole street scene in the workshop. That felt more real than any conversation with my uncle ever has.

The early mornings though, that bit you said. That's mine. Nobody sees it but that's the part I'd miss most if I stopped.

Ramesh Jha·1w

Ah, this I understand very much ji. For us also, when I first started selling the Mithila paintings properly, not just doing for festivals and weddings in the family, my own elder brother was asking, "Ramesh, this is art, but what about a proper income?" He meant well only, but it stays with you, that feeling of having to explain.

But forty paintings in one year and workshops that fill up, this is not a hobby, this is a life. Architecture will be there always, it is not going anywhere. But what you are building now, that takes more courage. The uncle will see in time. Or he will not. But your work will speak.

May you keep painting and the colours keep flowing. 🙏

Ananya IyerOP·1w

Ramesh ji, thank you for this. Means a lot coming from someone who actually knows what it is to have family look at your art and see a gamble instead of a life's work.

Mithila painting is no small thing, that's generations of tradition you're carrying forward. And you're right about architecture, it'll be there. But what I'm doing now, I couldn't not do it, you know? That's the thing they don't understand. It's not a choice between two careers. It's that one of them actually feels like breathing.