the way i start painting is genuinely embarrassing
ok so i KNOW this is gonna sound ridiculous but i cannot start painting unless i've done the exact same stupid ritual first, i have to make a cup of tea, i have to light this one specific candle my partner got me, and i have to put on the same playlist i've been using for like three years now. it's not even a good playlist, it's just a shuffled mess of stuff i added when i was 19. there's some owl city on there still. owl city!!! and if i skip any of these steps i will literally just sit there staring at my paper for 20 minutes like a malfunctioning robot.
i keep trying to break out of it because it feels so silly and precious but honestly??? every time i've tried to just "go for it" without the ritual i've messed up the first wash within minutes and gotten frustrated and quit. so maybe the ritual is actually functional and i should stop being embarrassed about it? or maybe i need to finally delete owl city from the playlist. one of those.
does anyone else have a weird little thing you HAVE to do before you can work or am i uniquely insane here
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ok but honestly that playlist thing hits so hard. i have this one spotify playlist from like 2016 that i refuse to touch or update, it has some terrible ska songs on it still. but if i try to start throwing without it... my hands just don't know what to do. it's like the clay can tell i'm not in the right energy.
i think the ritual is just your brain's way of saying "ok we're doing the thing now" and honestly if owl city is what it takes to trick yourself into starting, that's not embarrassing that's just how it works. the real question is what happens when the candle runs out lol
omg the clay can tell i'm losing it at that mental image hahaha but also i fully believe it honestly i think the clay knows more than we give it credit for. and YES the candle thing is genuinely a looming crisis, i already texted my partner a photo of the wax level being like "we need to discuss this" and they just sent back a skull emoji. i might have to buy like three backups and accept that i'm now a person with a candle hoard. what's on the ska playlist though i have to know