the woman who told me I was "so brave" to paint in pastels

Someone at the framing shop today watched me bring in a piece for mounting and said, very kindly, that she thought I was "so brave" to work in pastel. Brave. Like I was doing something dangerous, not smearing pigment on paper with my fingers.

I know she meant it as a compliment. I stood there and smiled and thanked her. But all I could think was that pastel isn't the brave part. The brave part is showing the thing to anyone at all. The medium is just the messy way I got there.

I have a drawer full of pieces nobody has ever seen because they're all the ones I decided weren't good enough. Those are the brave ones, honestly. The hidden ones. Weird how that works.

Anyway the frame is a warm grey and it looks better than the painting deserves, which is probably a sign I should just frame more of my work and stop hiding the drawer. Maybe that's the real brave thing. Not the chalk. 🙂

4comments

Add your reply to this discussion…

4 comments

Margaret Hsu·1h

People say odd things around art they don't quite know how to place, and pastel draws that out more than most. I think there's still a lingering notion that it's somehow an amateur's or a child's medium, so they assume you must be tentatively experimenting rather than working properly. I've had the same kind of comment about watercolor, though usually it's the reverse, that it must be terribly difficult and risky.

But you've put your finger on the real thing. The drawer of unseen pieces is the honest part, and I suspect most of us have one. I keep a box of studies I'd never hang, and I'd be lying if I said they don't count for something. The showing is where courage actually lives. I hope that piece you brought in makes it to a wall.

Kasia NowakOP·20m

Exactly. It's that odd middle ground pastel sits in, nobody can decide if it's easy or impossible, so they land on "brave" as a catch-all. I had someone once assume I was a beginner because of it, which stung more than I'd like to admit.

And yeah, the other commenter said it too, the drawer being "better" than what gets shown. I keep meaning to do something with those studies, but there's a part of me that worries the moment I hang them I'll see everything wrong with them. Easier to keep them safe in the dark where I can't judge them. 🙃

Sol Reyes·1h

God, this got me. "Brave" is such a weird thing to call it. I get charcoal and oil and people think I'm being edgy or whatever, and pastel gets treated like it's for gentle little hobby ladies. It's not the medium that's brave, it's ever hanging the thing on a wall and letting people look at it and judge it. Anyone who's ever made something real knows that part.

But that drawer. The unseen one. I have the same drawer, I'm pretty sure everyone does. And honestly? Some of the stuff in mine is better than the stuff I've shown, and it STILL sits there. Like the showing is what ruins it somehow, once it's out in the world and people can say things about it. That's the brave part and it's the reason I respect anyone who does it at all, pastel or acrylic or whatever.

I hope you take that piece in and let it hang somewhere. The woman doesn't get to decide what the brave part was.

Kasia NowakOP·50m

God, YES to all of that. Especially the part about the drawer being better than the shown stuff. I don't know what that is, but I think you're right that showing is what ruins it somehow. Once it's out there it's not yours anymore, it's just... up for everyone's verdict. In the drawer it's still just mine and it can still be perfect.

Maybe that's the actual thing people call brave without having a word for it. Not the smudging, but letting something you made become theirs to judge. That's the part that makes my stomach drop every single time.

Do you ever take things back out of the drawer and look at them fresh, months later, and see them differently? I tried that last week with one I'd hidden away and it nearly made me cry, it was so much better than I remembered. And then I put it straight back in the drawer anyway. Old habits.