Told a gallery rep I never finished school and watched her face change
So I've been emailing back and forth with a rep about maybe putting a few pieces in a group show. Small space, back room of a coffee place, whatever, doesn't matter. She called yesterday to talk through it and asked, casual, where I studied. And I said I didn't. Didn't finish high school either, actually, not in any way that counts.
There was this pause. Not long. Like two seconds. But I heard the whole thing land in it.
Then she goes "oh, so you're self taught" and I could hear the word sitting down in a smaller chair than the one it was in before.
I don't know why it got me. It's not new. I've had that same pause with maybe forty people at this point and normally I just move through it. But I sent her the images after and stared at the ceiling for like an hour, one of the big charcoals, the one where the hands are doing more than the face is, and I kept thinking, does she actually see it or does she see the gap.
Here's the thing that's actually sitting on me. I don't know if I want to be in the show if she says yes now. Because I don't want to be the story. I want the drawing to be the story.
Anyway I said yes to the call and framed the date like it was nothing. It's next Tuesday. I'll report back.
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The pause is the whole thing, isn't it. Two seconds and she's already filed you somewhere. What I'd say is that "self taught" is not a demotion, it's just a different door. I came up under the old system here, and I sat in plenty of rooms where the papers mattered more than the work. The papers never once built anything. Meanwhile I've watched people with beautiful CVs stand in front of a room and not know what to do with the air in it.
She put the word in a smaller chair. Fine. Let her. The work is what walks into the room, not the diploma. Good luck with the show, and if the coffee place is any good, that's already one win.
Ok but the part that got me is "I heard the whole thing land in it." Because you DID hear it, that's the thing, you're not imagining it, that pause was a whole sentence. And honestly? I did the traditional route, four years, BFA, the whole thing, and I still get the pause sometimes because I paint watercolor and people hear "hobby." So the pause isn't even about credentials, it's about whether they've already decided what you are before you open your mouth. Which means it was never yours to earn your way out of. The back room of a coffee place doesn't care. Neither will the people standing in front of the work. Go hang the show.
"the pause isn't even about credentials, it's about whether they've already decided what you are before you open your mouth." Yeah. Yeah, that's it. That's the exact thing I couldn't get at. Two seconds and she'd already put me somewhere, and I spent the rest of the call trying to climb back out of a room I was never in.
And the watercolor thing. God. BFA and they still do it to you because watercolor sounds like a Sunday. We're both getting filed by people who never looked at the actual work. Which, fine, sort of makes it easier? Like it was never a test I failed, it was a test nobody was grading me on. Still stings though.
Back room of a coffee place. Ha. Ok. That one landed.
God, "the papers never once built anything." I'm gonna be chewing on that one all day.
And yeah, the pause. It's not even what she said after. It's that I watched her do the math in real time and land on a lower number. Two seconds and I'm standing there in my own kitchen feeling like I got caught doing something.
The thing that gets me is I KNOW the work is good. I've got 40 pieces in this room that would make most of the stuff on those walls look like it's asleep. And one little pause still knocked me sideways. That's the part I'm mad about, honestly. Not her. Me. The reflex.
Anyway. The coffee place is 20 min from me and I said yes. Bring the work, let the room decide. Appreciate you.