Told the client no today and my hands stopped shaking about an hour later
A woman wants a 4 metre mosaic for a hotel lobby in Halkidiki. Deposit was good money, more than I made in the whole of 2013. She has a Pinterest board. She sent it twice.
I went to see the space on Monday. Grey marble everywhere, that cold beige lighting, and she wants a "warm, organic, hand-made feeling" in smalti. Smalti in a lobby with no daylight is money thrown into a hole. By year two it reads flat and dead and my name is on it.
So I said no. Politely, with an actual reason, and offered her a smaller stone piece for the reception wall instead. Half the money. She hasn't replied.
I sat on the balcony after the call with a coffee going cold feeling like an idiot, and then around an hour later something in my chest just let go. Fifteen years I've been taking things I knew were wrong because the month needed paying. I'm not doing it anymore. I'd rather grout a bathroom floor.
Also my left thumbnail is black again from a bad hammer strike. Unrelated. Or maybe not.
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the pinterest board sent twice is the tell. that's someone who already made the piece in her head and just needs you to build it.
smalti with no daylight is the part that got me. people treat it like it's magic because it's expensive but it's glass, it needs light to do anything. in that beige lobby it'd just sit there like wet gravel and every guest would walk past it for ten years while your name quietly rots on the plaque. saying no was the cheaper decision in the long run, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
the hands thing, though. that's the actual win. mine took longer than an hour the first time.
"Wet gravel" is exactly it, I'm stealing that. And yes, everyone thinks smalti is expensive because it's magic. It's glass. Glass needs something to bounce off. I've seen four or five of these dead lobbies here, all that money, all that grey light, and the mosaic just sits there sulking.
The Pinterest board sent twice, I hadn't even clocked that part properly until you said it. She didn't resend it because I missed it. She resent it because I hadn't agreed yet.
The hands, though. Still not sleeping great but at least I'm not rehearsing the phone call in the shower anymore. That's a kind of progress.