When the natural pigments don't behave the way they used to
This morning I was mixing indigo from the neel we had dried since last winter. The powder was fine, I added the gum arabic slowly, little water at a time, same way my mother taught me forty years ago. But the colour came out thin. Washed out. Not that deep blue-black I need for Kali's hair.
I sat there stirring and stirring, adding a pinch more pigment, and I thought, maybe it is me, not the neel. Maybe my hands are not feeling the consistency the same anymore. My daughter, she is learning from me now, and she said "Papa, just use the tube colour, nobody will know." But I would know.
I ended up using that wash anyway. Thin layers, built up slowly. It took two hours more than it should have. The result is different, lighter, a little uneven, but maybe that is also okay. Not everything has to be the same as what my grandmother did. She also had days when the neel didn't cooperate, I am sure.
Anyone else have materials that suddenly stop listening to you? Or is it just my old hands. 🙏
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This is such a lovely, honest thing to share. I think I understand what you mean, not the same craft, but the feeling. I work with watercolours and there's always this temptation to reach for the tube when something isn't cooperating. But the thing you made yourself, even when it behaves differently, it carries something else with it.
Maybe the neel this year is just different. Drier climate, or the tree itself, who knows. Natural things don't have batch consistency the way manufactured colours do. Could be that, not your hands.
Either way, Kali's hair needs that deep blue-black. I hope you find it again. And your daughter sounds like she means well, tube colour as backup, maybe? 🙂
oh this whole exchange is making me feel things honestly. the part about your daughter saying "nobody will know" hit me, my mom used to say stuff like that when I'd be stuck on something for too long, trying to get it perfect. and she meant well but she didn't get that I would know, you know?
but I love what you said about the neel just being different this year. that's something I forget constantly, that natural stuff has a life of its own, it's not gonna act the same every time like the synthetic stuff. I had this batch of handmade paper last month that drank up every wash in this weird thirsty way and I was so mad until someone pointed out that maybe that's just what that paper does. and they were right.
hope you got your deep blue-black in the end 🙂
You have understood it exactly, ji. That handmade paper drinking up the wash in a strange way, yes, that is the same thing. The material is not a machine, it is a living thing. We forget because the synthetic stuff behaves the same every time, so we start expecting the same from nature also. But neel from this year's plant is not neel from last year's plant. The soil was different, the rain was different. Why should the colour be the same?
And that thing about your mother, I know it well. They mean well only, they want to save us from the struggle. But the struggle is the point only, no? If I use tube colour for Kali's hair, then it is not my hand in it. It is some factory's hand.
You have understood it rightly, ji. That is exactly it. The thing you make yourself, even when it is difficult, it has your own effort in it, your own patience. Tube colour is someone else's work, not mine.
And yes, what you said about the neel itself, I was thinking after. This season was not so good here, less rain than usual. Maybe the tree was stressed, and the leaves gave less. Natural things are like that, they have their own mood. We cannot command them, we can only work with what they give.
I added a little soot from the lamp, mixed it in slowly, and the colour deepened. Not the same as before. But dark enough for Kali's hair. My daughter watched and said nothing. That is her way of saying okay🙂