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I scraped it down yesterday before starting a new interior study, which I do maybe once a month if I'm being honest. By midday it was already a swamp again, all the mixed leftovers from the morning pushed into one corner, titanium white bleeding into everything, a crust of ultramarine that's been there since Tuesday. Some painters I know keep theirs pristine. Little neat piles like a colour chart. I admire it, truly. But I work fast when I'm onto something and I don't have time to rebuild a clean puddle of flesh tone every fifteen minutes. I want the dirty grey that comes from five colours meeting by accident. That's where the interesting shadows live anyway. The downside is I waste a lot of paint. The upside is the painting looks like it was made by a person, not a machine. What's your worst studio habit that you've stopped apologising for?

For years I kept prices off my site. Gallery habit, I suppose: you don't discuss money in public, the buyer asks, you reply discreetly, c'est ça. In March I finally put a range on the site, honestly, with a note that the small studies start lower and the large things are not cheap. What I expected: fewer inquiries. What happened: the opposite, and better ones. Someone wrote last week that she had assumed everything was out of her reach, saw the range, and bought a 24 by 30 study. I sold three of the small ones in two months. The questions I get now start at "is the light in this one from the window or from the lamp" instead of "how much." The thing I got wrong was thinking discretion protects the work. It mostly protects the awkwardness of the person asking. People want a number. Give it and you both stop circling. The part I still dislike: a few painters in my circle think it is vulgar. Maybe. But I spent a decade painting little and talking much, and I prefer this.

My husband came in to bring me coffee and asked, very politely, why there is a teaspoon sitting in a jar of turpentine on my shelf. I told him it's for measuring cobalt drier and he just nodded and backed out slowly. The man has lived with me for nineteen years and still flinches at my materials. It's a good teaspoon though. Silver, from my grandmother. The handle is bent from decades of stirring. I use it for nothing else now, it would feel wrong. I think non-painters imagine we have these pristine studios, everything in its place, the way it looks in magazines. Mine smells like linseed oil and old coffee, there is dust on every surface that isn't the canvas, and the palette knife I love most lives in a jam jar with the brushes I'm too sentimental to throw away. It's all held together by habit and stubbornness. What's the most ridiculous studio object you can't part with? I suspect I'm not alone in the spoon.

A woman came to the studio on Saturday, spent maybe twenty minutes in front of the biggest cyanotype I have, the 70x100 with the net dragged across it, and then said she wanted it for her hallway. I wrapped it in the paper I always use and she carried it out herself. Then I sat in the car for a while before I could drive. Not sadness exactly. That piece was on the wall behind me for eleven months, through two winters, and I had got used to turning round and finding it there. Now there is a pale rectangle where it hung, and the wall looks undressed. I have sold work before. This one was different, I think because I had almost stopped believing it was any good. It came out of a morning when nothing worked, the solution was old, the sun went in, and I nearly rinsed the paper and started again. I did not. I hung it up to dry out of habit and it was the best thing I made all year. Anyway. The car park behind the studio smells of diesel and there was a man loading tiles into a van beside me, and I just sat there with the empty tube on the passenger seat.

I shifted my worktable three inches toward the window last week, chasing the winter light, and it has thrown off my entire system. The water jar is now exactly where my brush hand lands when I reach for the palette. I have knocked it over twice. Twice in one week, which is twice more than in the previous eight years combined. The annoying part is I know precisely why it happened. My table has marks on the floor where the legs sit, worn into the boards over time. I ignored them. I thought the light would be worth it. It was not worth it. I have spent more time wiping up rose madder than I have painting. The real lesson, I suppose, is that a studio is not a room, it is a set of habits with furniture in it. I have moved the table back and I am trying not to be cross with myself for the lost week. Tomorrow I will repaint the page I ruined and we will all pretend it never happened.

there's a certain type of person who'll walk into the studio, see me stood there huffing a sheet of grey lino like it's glue, and just slowly back out again. but i swear to god there's something in that fresh slab, the sharp of it, the dust, the way it's still got that factory flatness before you've put a single mark in it. it's the same feeling as the first cut into a new block of cheese. potential. pure potential. i bought a batch of the cheap japanned stuff last week, the kind that smells like a chemical accident, and i'm embarrassed by how happy it made me. the dog came in, sniffed it, and walked straight back out again. fair play to her. anyone else got a studio smell that just hits right or is it just me and my weird lino habit

I noticed last week that I only actually start working once the radiator starts ticking. Same time every morning, that knocking-into-rhythm thing they do. Before that I'm just moving paper around the table, pretending. And now I've started timing things to it. Which is insane. I'm not a person who counts, I've never counted anything in my life, and suddenly I'm laying down charcoal on the off-beat because the radiator told me to. My brother used to tap his pen on everything, dining table, steering wheel, my shoulder in the car. Annoying as hell. I didn't realize until this week that I'd been working in the quiet for years and it never sat right. Anyway the piece is getting worse before it gets better, which I keep telling myself is what always happens. It's a photograph of a doorway I found in a box lot at an estate sale on Vitosha, water damage ate the top left corner, and I'm building the wash around the damage instead of over it. Half the studio floor is scraped-off grey at this point, I gave up sweeping. Not sure the radiator thing is a habit or a symptom.

Two years now I have a glass jar on the windowsill, and it is full of smalti that split in the wrong direction. You cut a smalto, it is supposed to break along the line, clean, one sound. Sometimes it goes sideways, or crumbles at the edge, and that piece is no use for the line you were setting. Most people sweep it up. I don't. Into the jar. Red mostly, some gold, the cheap turquoise I bought too much of in 2019 and regret. The thing is I have never once gone to that jar for a repair or a fill. Not once. So it is not a stash of spare material, it is a jar of failures sitting in my light. And I still will not empty it. Some mornings before I start I put my hand in and stir them around like coffee beans. Terrible habit, they cut you. I think I keep it because the good work is invisible in its own way. You look at a finished panel and you see the image, never the hundred cuts that were correct. The jar is the only place in the studio where the wrongness is still visible. Proof that most of it did not go how I meant. Anyway, there is a commission due Friday and I am sitting here shaking broken glass instead of setting. If you have a jar of your own I want to hear what's in it.

A painter friend came to the studio last week and said "you really like that corner" and I thought she meant the actual corner of the room, and I said no, it's just the north light. Then she pulled up three paintings on her phone, mine, and there it was. Same window, same plaster wall on the left, same table pushed at the same angle. Three times. I've been telling myself I'm exploring light and the fall of it over the day. In reality I found a composition that worked twice and I've been quietly doing it again and again. It's not a series, it's a habit wearing a beret. The funny thing is I didn't notice until she said it, and now I can't unsee it. So I'm forcing myself to move the whole setup for the next one. Rearrange everything, paint the corner from the other side, from the floor, anywhere that makes me have to actually look instead of arrive. Anyone else have a signature they didn't know was a rut until someone pointed at it?

There's a construction site visible from my studio window and honestly it's become part of my reference collection whether I like it or not. Two months ago they knocked down this beautiful old bungalow with a veranda and those arched windows, the kind nobody builds anymore. This morning I looked up and the new tower is already at the fourth floor. I've done three sketches of the same view at different stages and I think I'm accidentally documenting the city disappearing in reverse. The workers start at 6am, before the light is even good. I've started timing my chai break to when they break too, mostly because the sound of all that hammering stops and I can finally hear myself think. I keep telling myself I should go draw the older house further down the street before it goes too. But I keep putting it off, same way I keep putting off a lot of things. Maybe that's the real habit to break, na?

ok this is going to sound ridiculous but i'm sitting here cleaning my brushes after finishing a piece and i got genuinely emotional over my old escoda. i've had this one brush since my second year of undergrad, it's a size 10 travel brush, the handle is all chewed up because i was a nervous student who bit her brushes (gross i know but i was 19 and stressed), the ferrule is slightly loose, and i've rewarped the bristles like three times with my mouth after bad cleaning habits. but it still holds a point better than any new brush i own. i literally cannot paint without it. i dropped it once in 2018 and my heart stopped for a second. i know brushes are technically replaceable and there's this whole "don't get attached to tools" mentality in art but like. NO. i AM attached. this thing has been through every single painting i've ever been proud of. it was in my hand when i painted my dad's portrait the year he died. it came with me to every shitty shared studio i've ever had. it's survived three moves and a minor flood. my partner bought me a fancy new escoda for christmas and i keep it in the wrapper because i'm scared to use it. i don't want to replace my old one. it's not the same. anyone else have that one tool that's basically a part of them at this point

A man came to the studio last week, looked at a small interior I'd been keeping for myself, the one with the morning light on the wall. He wanted it. I told him the price and he laughed, said that was too much for a painting that size, tried to bargain me down by half. I don't do the dance. I said, you don't have to take it, the paint will still be there tomorrow. He walked out. Came back two days later, paid the full amount without another word, and stood there looking at it for a while before he left. I think he wanted to hate me a little for making him do it, and I don't mind. He'll take better care of it because he had to fight for it. I've spent years undervaluing my own work out of habit. Saying the number out loud and not flinching when they laugh, that's its own discipline. Maybe harder than the drawing honestly.

i have a drawer in my studio, just a cheap ikea thing, that's full of plates that didn't work. bitten too deep, not deep enough, a drypoint that caught something i didn't mean but also didn't hate enough to keep. i can't throw them out. they're not good, most of them, but they're the only record i have of the thinking that didn't land. i was talking to a painter friend in berlin last week and she said she scrapes everything over, her whole practice is covering. that's the opposite of what i do. i keep the evidence. maybe it's the printmaker in me, this need for the object to survive even when it fails. or maybe i'm just sentimental about my own bad decisions. anyway i pulled one out today from three years ago. a copper plate with a portrait of a woman who doesn't exist. the face is completely fine but the hand is this grotesque claw because i misjudged the acid. i remember being so furious. now i kind of like the claw. it's the most alive part of the image. i don't know if this is a confession or a habit worth defending. but i wonder, what do you keep that you probably shouldn't?