charged my cousin 40 for a wedding invite design and she told the whole family I do things "cheap"

ok so this is the thing that's been eating me all week and I need to say it somewhere.

My cousin asked if I'd do a watercolor for her save-the-dates. Not a print, an ORIGINAL, one painting, and then she'd scan it and print however many she wanted. I said 40 dollars. Because she's family, because I panic-quote family, because I've been doing that since I was 19 and did my uncle's anniversary piece for a bottle of wine.

It took me nine hours. TWO full evenings of layering washes so the olive branches didn't go muddy, plus the gouache accents on the lettering, plus two rounds of "can you make the green less green." Nine hours. Forty dollars. That's a bit under four and a half an hour, which, cool, great.

And THEN. She posted it on facebook and told everyone her cousin does commissions "super cheap." And now my aunt is asking for one, and a friend of hers is asking for one, and I can feel the whole thing calcifying into my actual reputation. Like I've made myself into the discount. I set a number and now the number is me.

The worst part is I can't even be mad at her, she was being sweet about it. I'm mad at myself. I have a real rate now, 38 an hour for commissions with a deposit up front, and I completely ignored it the second someone in my family asked. My partner says I need a flat number I say out loud instead of "oh whatever's fair" and I know they're right and I hate it.

Anyway I'm painting the same window again this week because it doesn't ask me for a discount. Has anyone actually fixed this or do you just outlive it.

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Lukas Brandt·2w

Nine hours is the number that matters here, and 40 makes it about four an hour before materials. So the "cheap" remark is not really an insult, it's her repeating back the price you set. That's the part I'd sit with. The market is not the villain in this one.

I understand why it happened. Family pricing is a habit, and habits from when you were 19 are hard to break because saying a real number to a relative feels like a moral failure, not a business decision. I did the same for years with friends of my parents. Then one day you notice you're resentful toward someone who never actually asked for a discount.

One practical thing if it helps: quote the painting and the license separately. Original artwork is one price, the right to scan and print it unlimited is another. That way you never have to say no to family, you just say the number, and the number is not an opinion about how much you love them.

And the two rounds of "can you make it more" on an original, that is where I would have drawn a line, not at 40.

Elin Holm·2w

The eight hours of rework is the part that gets me. That's not a pricing problem, that's you doing the job three times for one fee, and family is exactly where that habit hides. You quote a number you're already ashamed of, so you over-deliver to make it feel like a fair trade. Then the price is still the price. I did this for years with people I liked. The fix wasn't a higher number, it was naming the number of revisions up front.

Dani OkaforOP·2w

the revision thing is what I keep circling back to now that you've said it out loud. because in my head I wasn't "doing it three times," I was just "making it good." those are the same thing when there's no boundary around it. and you're right that it's specific to the people I like, I've never once let a stranger talk me into a second pass for free, only the ones I'd feel weird saying no to.

so what did you actually say, like the sentence? did you write it into the quote or just say it at the start? I'm realizing I don't have the language for it yet and that's probably why every attempt comes out sounding like an apology.

Dani OkaforOP·2w

ok the "market is not the villain in this one" line hit me harder than I wanted it to haha. you're right though. she didn't invent the number, I handed it to her. I've been telling myself the story that she undervalued me and honestly the harder truth is I undervalued myself first and then got mad at her for agreeing with me. that's a rough thing to type out.

you said you did it for years with your parents' friends and then one day noticed the resentment. how did you actually break it? like was there one moment where you just said a real number out loud and survived it, or was it gradual? because I know the theory, I know my hourly, I've done the math, and I STILL open my mouth and say forty. it's like a reflex, I hear my own voice do it and I'm already cringing mid-sentence. also the "resentful toward someone who never asked for the discount" thing is going to live in my head rent free, thanks for that 🙃

Mira Vey·2w

nine hours and you charged her forty. that's the actual problem, not her running her mouth. i did the family discount thing for years, my uncle's stuff, my mom's friends, and the only thing it ever bought me was a reputation for being cheap. people don't read a low price as generosity, they read it as the going rate. and watercolor too, olive branches going muddy if you look at them wrong, that's real labor, not a doodle.

the two rounds of edits on an original is the part that kills me. once she scans it she can print infinite copies off one painting and you still got paid once. she got a steal and called it cheap. hard to be mad at her for pricing you the way you priced yourself though.

i don't have a clean fix. i just stopped quoting family off the top of my head.

Dani OkaforOP·2w

the "going rate" thing is what I can't stop chewing on. like I handed her a number and she just repeated it back to the whole family as fact. that's on me, I know it's on me, but it still stings haha.

the unlimited prints off one painting thing is the part I genuinely did not think about until after. once it's scanned that's it, that painting works forever and I got paid for one Tuesday. did you ever fix the family thing or did you just stop doing them? because I'm at the point where I want to send my cousin a real rate and I don't know how to do that without it being a whole family event.