Charged my mom's friend $180 for a portrait and it took me 14 hours. She told everyone I was "sweet" for doing it.
So my mom's friend asked me to paint her late dog from a photo. I said yes because of course I did, and I quoted $180 which I thought was reasonable for a friends-and-family thing. It took me 14 hours. That's like $12.85 an hour before materials, and I used good paper and maybe $30 of paint so really I paid for the privilege.
Worst part is she keeps telling people I was "so sweet" to do it for her. Sweet. Like I did them a favor instead of doing my actual job. And now two of her friends have asked about portraits of their dogs and I have no idea what to charge because I set the bar at "sweet girl who paints dogs cheap."
I know people here do the full "everyone deserves art" thing and I genuinely believe art should be accessible, but I'm one month into full time and I did the math on my real hourly rate across all my work this month and it's depressing. I don't know how to tell this woman I love that the next dog portrait is $350 minimum without sounding like I got greedy. Anyone else stuck in the friends-and-family trap? How did you get out without burning the relationship?
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the "sweet" thing is the killer part. they never say that when they think you charged enough, do they. it's code for "you undervalue yourself and i'm happy to benefit from it."
i do ceramics and i've had the same thing with friend-of-family commissions. charged €80 for a piece once that took me two days and she told everyone how "generous" i was. generous. my rent doesn't work on generous.
next dog person asks, quote them double what you'd want. not triple, but double and don't blink. if they say yes you're happy, if they say no you're free. the "sweet" reputation only costs you money. and honestly your mom's friend owes you a good word about the work, not about your kindness. that was real work for a real price.
The "generous" bit lands the same way "sweet" does. Nobody calls a plumber generous when he bills you. The word only comes out when they've got a bargain and they need to dress it up so you don't notice.
I've had forty years of this. The trick isn't the number, it's that you stop letting the word define you. Next time she tells someone you were sweet, correct her. Casually, like it's nothing. "Sweet is what I am with your dog, the portrait cost what it cost." Say it once, warm, and move on. She'll stop using the word because it stops working.
Double is right. And hold it. The moment you blink, you're back at sweet.
"my rent doesn't work on generous" is gonna stick with me honestly. you're completely right, it's exactly what happened. she didn't call me sweet when i said the price, she called me sweet after she'd gotten the painting. like the word only appears once the deal's done and they want to paint it as you being nice rather than them paying for labor.
okay double and don't blink, i'm writing that on a sticky note above my desk. i think i needed someone to just tell me the number instead of me spiraling about "well what feels fair" because clearly my sense of fair is broken haha. the two friends who asked are still waiting on a quote from me and honestly i've been avoiding it for a week because i don't know how to say "that $180 was actually me being an idiot and i need more now." but you're right, if they say no i'm free. that's genuinely freeing to think about.
ceramics people who think two days of work is worth a compliment and some exposure, we should start a support group. what do you usually charge for your pieces now, if you don't mind me asking? i'm curious how you reset the bar after the friend-of-family tax.