Did the math on my studio costs and I've been sitting here like a fool
I finally made a spreadsheet of what I actually spend per painting and I don't know whether to laugh or cry. My good paper is 4 bucks a sheet, which like fine, whatever, but I just added up the tubes I've killed since January and it's more than my phone bill. For watercolor. Which is supposedly the cheap medium. My aunt still asks why I don't just "do something digital since it's free" haha.
The number itself isn't even the bad part. The bad part is realizing I've been charging per painting like I'm selling the paper, not the eight years of figuring out how not to wreck a wash. Which, I know, everybody says that, "charge for your time," and I nod along and then I quote a number that covers my rent for a week and feel guilty about it anyway.
Anyway. Quit the cafe eight months ago and the math is mathing in a way I'd rather it didn't. If anyone has a system for pricing that isn't just vibes and apologizing, I'm listening. Or if you also just found out your favorite ultramarine went up two dollars, come sit by me.
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The paper and the tubes are the visible cost, but what you said at the end is the real thing. Nobody has ever paid me for the sheet of paper either. They pay for the years of ruined ones underneath it, and it took me a long time to stop apologising for that in my prices.
For what it is worth, the "do it digital since it is free" line is its own kind of compliment, even if it does not feel like one. People say it because the process looks effortless from outside. It is not.
"years of ruined ones underneath it" is going to live in my head rent free, honestly. I've got a drawer of them and I keep telling myself it's just a drawer, but you're right, it's the actual invoice.
And the compliment thing. That reframe is doing a lot for me right now, because I've been hearing that line for years and mostly just hearing "your job is fake." I never once thought about it as them watching me and seeing no effort. Which, haha, if only they knew how much of my life went into making it look like that.