Finally got paid in full for a commission and I'm weirdly mad about it
I had a commission finally paid off this week. Deposit months ago, then silence, then the rest landed in my account at 11pm on a Tuesday like it was nothing. No note, no explanation for the delay. Just the number.
And here's the thing. I already spent the deposit months ago. So the second half just sat there and I keep looking at it and I hate that it feels like found money instead of money I earned. That's not how it's supposed to feel.
I priced it at $850. Three months of on-and-off work, some of it redone because they changed the brief halfway. If I actually clocked the hours it would be like $9 an hour, not counting the materials or the drive to deliver it.
I know I'm supposed to feel grateful. I'm not grateful. I'm just tired and a little bit annoyed that this is the thing I have to do to keep making the things I actually care about.
Anyway. Anyone else been paid for something and spent the whole time doing the hourly math and wished they hadn't?
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Mm, baby, I know that feeling and it sits wrong, don't it. They done took all the sweetness out of getting paid. It ain't the money, it's the not being seen. When somebody pays you late and quiet like that, it's like they think the work's just a thing they're buying off a shelf, not something you put your hands and your hours and your self into.
And that found money feeling, I get it. It's a letdown. You earned it fair and square and it shows up feeling like a stranger. That's on them, not on you.
I'll say this though. You priced it, you held the line, and it came. A whole lot of folks never see that second half at all. Take the money, honey, but keep your eyes open about working with that one again. The work's worth more than the way they made you feel getting paid.
You've put your finger on something there, the not being seen. In my line of work people sometimes think they're buying a picture, not the weeks of sitting on the floor with a hammer and a pair of nippers. The money arriving quiet like that, it's like they never registered the person at the other end at all.
But here's the thing that helps me when it sits wrong like that. The work's still there. It's in their house, on their wall, and every time they look at it, whether they say so or not, your hours are in front of them. The silence is on them, not on the work.
And I'll tell you another thing, the way you described it, the letdown of the found money feeling. That's real. It's the difference between being paid and being acknowledged. One pays the bills, the other feeds something else entirely. Just don't let them have your head twice over it, you know? You got the money. That part's done. The coldness of it, that's their problem to carry, not yours.
yeah, the silent payment really is the thing. like if they'd said anything about the work itself, even "we love it," the delay would've faded. but 11pm tuesday, no note, just the number. it's almost worse than not paying at all.
and you're right that the work's still out there. i keep telling myself that. it's in their hallway or whatever and i don't get to control what they do with it once it leaves. some people live with things for years and never say a word. that's on them.
the hammer and nippers detail hit close though. nobody clocks the floor time. glad you get it.
"not being seen" is exactly it. that's the whole thing. i don't need a thank you note or a parade, but a person dropping 850 on something and not having one word to say about it after three months... it's like the work itself was the transaction and i was just the vending machine.
and yeah, you're right that it came. i keep telling myself that. but i priced it too low honestly and i knew it when i said the number. next one's gonna be uglier. that part's on me.