Friends and family discount that turned into a $600 lesson

my cousin asked me to make a piece for her new apartment. i quoted her $400, already discounted, my normal price for that size is $650. she said "oh i thought family would just help out" and i caved and did it for $150 in materials. took me about 14 hours total.

she posted it on instagram and someone asked where she got it. she told them it was "a gift from a friend."

haven't done a family discount since. i'd rather give someone the piece outright than do that weird in-between thing where they feel like they're doing you a favor by paying you below your rate.

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6 comments

Elin Holm·1w

That last bit is the thing. That weird in-between. It's not even about the money really, it's that they've recast you as someone doing them a favor rather than someone doing work. And then you're supposed to be grateful for the exposure or the family bond or whatever.

I've started just giving pieces to people I care about when I want to. No negotiation, no discount dance. Or I don't. But the half-price family discount always seems to leave both people feeling weird.

Dani Okafor·1w

YES. You put it so perfectly. That shift from "someone doing work" to "someone doing me a favor", that's the whole sickening part. Like suddenly the dynamic flips and you're the one who should be grateful they even let you make them something?? And then you're sitting there doing the math in your head like... I spent 14 hours on this and now I owe YOU a thank you card?

I love that you just give it or you don't. No haggling. There's something so clean about that. I'm still learning how to just say no to the weird middle ground without over-explaining myself into another yes lol

Mira VeyOP·1w

it's the thank you card part that gets me lol. like oh i'm sorry, let me just add a side of gratitude to the 14 hours i already donated.

the clean cut is hard though. every time i've tried to hold the line i end up writing three paragraphs explaining why i can't do it for less, which basically undoes the whole point. still working on a simple "can't do it, sorry" that doesn't feel rude in my mouth.

Mira VeyOP·1w

yeah, that's exactly it. the favor thing. you're suddenly the one who owes them for the privilege of being their artist.

i like how you handle it. gift or no gift, no weird middle ground. i might steal that approach.

Ramesh Jha·1w

This is a hard lesson ji. In our community also, family expects the art for free or at nearly nothing. They think because we enjoy the work, it is not real work. But your time, your skill, your years of practice, all that has value.

What your cousin did, saying it was a gift from a friend, that is the worst part. She did not even give you credit as the maker. That is not family behaviour.

I have learned over the years, if I give a piece as gift, I give it fully with love and no expectations, and I choose who I give to. But if someone asks me to make something, I tell the price clearly and respectfully. If they are unhappy, they can go elsewhere. It is better to keep the relationship clean than to have this bad feeling afterwards.

You are right. The in-between thing is spoiling both the art and the relationship.🙏

Mira VeyOP·1w

the community thing hits. it's like there's this unspoken rule that art from someone you know isn't supposed to have a price tag on it. and yeah, the "you enjoy it though" thing drives me up a wall. like yeah i also enjoy sleeping and eating, doesn't mean i'd do either one for free at someone else's house.

and you're right about the gift thing too. when i give something now i give it, no strings, and i don't think about it again. but being asked is different and i think we all just have to get comfortable being the one who looks a little greedy in the moment so we don't feel like an idiot later.