I emailed a gallery in March, heard nothing, sent a follow up in June, heard nothing, then got a yes in November. Nine months. By then I'd already decided the work wasn't good enough and nearly pulled it. Turns out they just don't read fast.
So what's your number? How long do you give a gallery before you write it off, and did anyone ever come back from the dead on you?
Honestly I don't have a number, I have a bad habit. I send the email, then spend two weeks convinced they looked at it and hated it, then I forget and move on, and then out of nowhere some reply shows up in a folder I never check. The worst one was a place I'd written off completely, already told myself the whole thing was dead, and then five months later they asked if the piece was still available. I almost said no just out of spite at my own self doubt lol. The part that gets me in your story is deciding the work wasn't good enough by month nine. I do that too, and it's never actually about the work, it's about the silence. Silence makes you start editing yourself for an audience that hasn't even shown up.
The folder I never check. That's the whole thing right there, the yes was sitting in there the entire time while I was busy deciding I was a fraud.
And yeah, the month nine thing was never about the work. The work hadn't changed. I'd just had enough time to talk myself out of it, which is a different skill entirely and one I'm unfortunately very good at.
Spite at your own self doubt is a solid reason to say yes though. I'd have respected it either way.
Nine months and they still said yes, that's the part I keep turning over. My number is roughly six months but I don't think I ever really write it off, I just stop actively waiting, which is different and probably worse for the nerves. I had a project space come back after almost a year with a show proposal, I'd long since cannibalised the prints for something else. So now I try to send things out in a state where a late yes is still possible - nothing pinned to that one outcome. Easier said than done when the work feels bad by month four, which I suspect is just what waiting does to your judgment rather than any real information about the work.
The "stop actively waiting" thing is so real. I do that with everything, not just galleries, and it's not really peace, it's just putting the anxiety down somewhere I'll trip over it later.
The cannibalised prints one stings. I've cut up a canvas I'd submitted somewhere and then felt weird about it for a week after. Nothing ever came back on that one, but still.
the week of weirdness after cutting it up is the real tax. I've got a drawer of half-destroyed things I did that to, and I still can't decide if it was decisive or just me being impatient with myself.
I think that's why the rule matters though. you cut it up because you needed to be done with it, and then the not-done part came back and had nowhere to live.
the cannibalised prints bit is the real lesson and I hate it. sending things out in a state where a late yes is still possible is a much better rule than any number. I've been doing the opposite, treating a submission like a hostage situation, and then the work just sits there going stale while I wait for permission.
six months not writing it off but not waiting either, yeah. that's the honest version of what I do too, I just dress it up as discipline.