ok so I quit the cafe job eight months ago and I'm supposed to be on a budget and last week I walked into the art store for ONE tube of titanium white and walked out with six tubes of gouache because they had that MaimeriBlu display up and the swatches were wet and I have no self control when paint is wet on paper.

anyway. the one that's wrecking me is this weird dull green, kind of a swamp olive, and I've been mixing that exact green for MONTHS with pthalo and yellow ochre and never quite getting it, always too bright or too chalky, and now it's just THERE. in the tube. premixed. sitting on my palette like an insult.

I've repainted the same corner of my window (the part where the light hits the sill around 4pm, there's a chip in the paint there and I keep painting the chip) probably eleven times this week. eleven. and it's closer than it's ever been and I want to cry a little bit about a green.

the money thing is genuinely scary though. I did the math on what I actually spend on pigment versus what my partner spends on groceries and I put the receipt in a drawer face down which is a real coping strategy I have.

does anyone else have a color that they finally just bought premixed after years of pretending they could mix it themselves, or am I the only one lying to myself about my own palette