OK so this is going to sound gross but hear me out. There's a mug on my desk that has held the same rinse water for like three weeks now. Not for cleaning brushes, that's a different jar. This one I just dip into when I need to knock a wash back a half step. It's this specific grey-brown that I cannot mix on purpose. I've tried. Burnt umber plus a little payne's grey plus way too much water and it's always too clean, too deliberate. The mug water has something in it. Years of something.

My partner came in yesterday, looked at it, and asked if I was aware it has a film on top. I said yes. They said "that's a living thing" and left. Fair honestly lol.

The thing that gets me is I spent four years being taught to keep a clean palette, clean water, discipline, all of it, and the single most reliable color in my whole studio right now is basically mud in a mug from Target. I feel like if my old professor saw it he'd take my degree back. But also I'm not dumping it. Not until this series is done.

Anyway it's 11pm and I'm on my fourth pass of the window, the light after 4pm in November is a completely different problem than the light in October and I keep chasing it two weeks too late. I have like six versions taped to the wall and none of them are it. But the mug water is doing its job.

what's the grossest thing in your studio that you'd defend with your life