I paint the same window every single morning and yesterday it finally fought back
ok so I have this thing where I paint the window in my apartment over and over, it's basically my whole deal, and this morning the light was doing that thing where it comes in low and sideways and makes the whole room look like honey. so I'm sitting there thinking finally, THIS is the one, this is the day I nail it, and I did the first wash and it immediately went exactly where I didn't want it and by the time I'd tried to fix it I had a gray mud puddle where my nice warm morning light was supposed to be. haha. watercolor doesn't care about your plans.
the funny thing is I've been doing this window for like nine months now and usually I can see what went wrong, like oh I was too wet or I rushed the first layer. but this one I genuinely don't get. I did everything right and it still just collapsed on me. so now I'm sitting here staring at a painting I hate and I'm gonna have to do it again tomorrow, which is honestly fine, that's the whole point of it, but right now I'm just annoyed.
anyway if you paint the same subject over and over, what's yours? like is it a bowl of fruit, a street corner, a dog that won't sit still? I'm curious if everyone has a thing or if I'm just weird about this one window lol
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The light that comes in low and sideways, we have a name for it in our home. My mother used to say the painter does not catch it, the painter only records that it passed. You are doing the right thing by going back each morning. That is how it is done, that is how it has always been done with us.
In our tradition we do not paint over. If the line goes wrong, we begin the whole sheet again. Because the mistake is part of the old story, it stays there, but the new sheet is for the new attempt. Maybe do the same with your window. Do not fix the mud. Let it dry, take a fresh page, and tomorrow morning the low light will come again and you will be waiting for it.
The gray puddle is not your enemy, ji. It is the teacher. 🙏
oh wow, "records that it passed", that's going to live in my head now. that's exactly it, that's the whole thing, you can't hold it, you can only try to leave a trace. thank you for that.
and the fresh page thing kind of wrecked me honestly. I'm so deep in the fix-it habit, like I'm always chasing the wash around trying to rescue it, and the idea of just... letting the mud be the mud and starting clean tomorrow is so obvious and so much kinder. I'm going to try it. the gray puddle can stay on the old sheet as a little monument. 🙂 how long have you been painting in your tradition, if you don't mind me asking? I'd love to hear more about it.