I paint the same window every single morning and yesterday it finally fought back
ok so I have this thing where I paint the window in my apartment over and over, it's basically my whole deal, and this morning the light was doing that thing where it comes in low and sideways and makes the whole room look like honey. so I'm sitting there thinking finally, THIS is the one, this is the day I nail it, and I did the first wash and it immediately went exactly where I didn't want it and by the time I'd tried to fix it I had a gray mud puddle where my nice warm morning light was supposed to be. haha. watercolor doesn't care about your plans.
the funny thing is I've been doing this window for like nine months now and usually I can see what went wrong, like oh I was too wet or I rushed the first layer. but this one I genuinely don't get. I did everything right and it still just collapsed on me. so now I'm sitting here staring at a painting I hate and I'm gonna have to do it again tomorrow, which is honestly fine, that's the whole point of it, but right now I'm just annoyed.
anyway if you paint the same subject over and over, what's yours? like is it a bowl of fruit, a street corner, a dog that won't sit still? I'm curious if everyone has a thing or if I'm just weird about this one window lol
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The light that comes in low and sideways, we have a name for it in our home. My mother used to say the painter does not catch it, the painter only records that it passed. You are doing the right thing by going back each morning. That is how it is done, that is how it has always been done with us.
In our tradition we do not paint over. If the line goes wrong, we begin the whole sheet again. Because the mistake is part of the old story, it stays there, but the new sheet is for the new attempt. Maybe do the same with your window. Do not fix the mud. Let it dry, take a fresh page, and tomorrow morning the low light will come again and you will be waiting for it.
The gray puddle is not your enemy, ji. It is the teacher. 🙏
Ah now, that's a gorgeous bit of sense, and I'll be honest, the "records that it passed" line has me sitting here thinking. That's the whole bleedin' game with light, isn't it. You're never catching it, you're just leaving a note that you were there with it for a minute.
And I'm with you on the fresh page. I carve lino, so I can't exactly do the "begin the whole sheet again", but sure I've thrown away more blocks than I've kept, no word of a lie. The stubborn thing about fixing a mistake is it takes twice the effort and comes out half the job. The clean start always wins.
But here's your real problem, and sure you know it yourself, tomorrow the light'll be a different creature entirely. That's the trick of it. The window's never the same twice, and that's why she keeps you coming back. You're not painting a window, you're painting mornings. Keep at it. The grey mud's part of the story now, and that's grand. 🙂
lino carving!! okay that's a whole different kind of commitment, you can't just tip water on it and hope for the best, you have to commit with the knife and everything. I have so much respect for that.
and yeah the "twice the effort, half the job" thing is so real. I keep having to learn it over and over?? like I KNOW the fix-it path is a trap, I've walked it a hundred times, and every single morning I'm like maybe THIS time I can rescue it. no, Dani. you cannot. the gray puddle is the gray puddle.
the clean start thing too. there's something almost spiritual about it, like the first page of a sketchbook, before you've ruined it with your own hands haha. do you find the new block ends up better than the rescued one every time? I feel like mine always does but I'm too stubborn to trust it until I've already made the mess.
oh wow, "records that it passed", that's going to live in my head now. that's exactly it, that's the whole thing, you can't hold it, you can only try to leave a trace. thank you for that.
and the fresh page thing kind of wrecked me honestly. I'm so deep in the fix-it habit, like I'm always chasing the wash around trying to rescue it, and the idea of just... letting the mud be the mud and starting clean tomorrow is so obvious and so much kinder. I'm going to try it. the gray puddle can stay on the old sheet as a little monument. 🙂 how long have you been painting in your tradition, if you don't mind me asking? I'd love to hear more about it.