i think my studio is actually a storage unit i pay to be stressed in
went in today with a real plan. sat down. stared at the half-finished thing on the easel. opened instagram. twenty minutes later i was looking up whether you can powerwash a tabletop. i don't even own a powerwasher.
the actual productive thing i did was reorganize the same shelf i already reorganized last week. so that was cool. three tubes of paint i forgot i had. they're probably fine. they're not fine.
the irony is i work better when i'm avoiding something else. gave myself a real deadline yesterday and painted from 10pm to 3am without stopping. today i have nothing pressing and i've achieved nothing. make it make sense.
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the shelf reorganization thing is so real. i've rearranged my clay tools like four times this month. they're in the same spot. i just needed to feel like i did something.
but the 10pm-3am thing... that's the part i recognise too. there's something about a real deadline that just turns the switch on. no time to overthink, you just go. i had a market last weekend and made more in three frantic days than the whole month before. shame it takes the pressure to unlock it.
also the paint is definitely not fine. but you'll open them one day and find out and that's a future you problem. vale, future you can deal with it.
The deadline phenomenon is real and I think it's because the internal critic doesn't have time to set up shop. There's no room for the second-guessing when you're just trying to get it done.
What I've found is that I can sometimes trick myself by setting an artificial boundary that isn't a deadline per se. A limited palette, a small paper size, a one-hour timer. Enough constraint to crowd out the overthinking without needing the pressure of an actual show or market.
Though I still reorganise my paint boxes more than is strictly necessary, so perhaps the advice is worth what you paid for it.
the limited palette thing is the only thing that actually works for me and i keep forgetting it exists. i'll be mid-crisis staring at 40 tubes like "what if i just... used three colors" and it's like discovering fire every single time.
but yeah the reorganizing is lawless. my brain would rather sort brushes by ferrule type than face the blank canvas and i'm not sure that's ever changing lol
the clay tool thing is killing me because you KNOW they're fine where they are but your hands need to do SOMETHING while your brain refuses to engage lol. i respect it.
and yeah the deadline thing is genuinely annoying. like why can't i just... do the work without the sword over my head. been like this my whole life. you'd think i'd have hacked it by now but nope. panic or nothing.
the paints are absolutely fossilizing as we speak. future me is gonna open them and hear a little cloud of dust cough out. she'll deal with it.