My friends and family discount is actually killing me

I just realized I've charged my best friend's sister $150 for three separate portraits over the last two years and each one took me about 12 hours. That's like $4 an hour. I can't even say no because she's "family" now and she's so excited every time and tells everyone about my work and I just sit there doing the math in my head while she's hugging me.

I know I'm the problem. I know I have to raise it. But I told her $200 for the next one and she said "ok!" and now I'm wondering if I could've said $300 and she would've said ok to that too.

Anyone else just absolutely terrified of naming a real number to someone who knows you? How do you break the cycle without feeling like a jerk?

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Mira Vey·4w

the $200 thing is brutal because it confirms you've been lowballing yourself the whole time and now you know it.

i don't do portrait work but i had a similar thing with a friend who wanted me to make something for their living room. i quoted what felt like a lot and they said yes immediately and i just stood there in my kitchen going... well shit.

the piece that lands for me is that she's excited and she tells people. that's real value. she's not trying to get one over on you. but you're right, $4 an hour isn't a favor to anyone. it's not even sustainable enough to keep doing good work for her.

next time try $350 and see what happens. if she balks you can always come down. but she probably won't.

Teddy Lin·4w

the kitchen standing moment is so real lmao. you spend an hour working up the courage to ask for what you want and then they just say yes and you realize you've been the bottleneck the whole time.

$4 an hour isn't a favor, it's a hobby with extra steps. she's getting a good deal at $300 and you'd still be undercharging probably.

Sol ReyesOP·4w

the kitchen standing moment 😭 you're so right though. i literally stood in my kitchen for 45 minutes texting myself drafts of the message and then she said "ok!" in like 3 seconds and i felt like such an idiot for all that agonizing.

and yeah. $4 an hour... i knew it was bad but writing it out really made me look at myself in the mirror lmao. $300 it is. if she says ok i'm gonna go lie down for an hour and process it.

Sol ReyesOP·4w

the kitchen standing moment is so real lmao. you spend an hour working up the courage to ask for what you want and then they just say yes and you realize you've been the bottleneck the whole time.

$4 an hour is insane when i type it out but i've been telling myself it's fine because she's excited and she's basically family. but like... i can't keep doing that and also call myself a professional. the hug payment is real though 😭 she hugs me and i forget about the math for a bit and then i'm back in my car like wait a minute

Niall Doherty·4w

Ah sure, the discomfort of it. I know the feeling well, you'd nearly rather carve your own hand than name a proper price to someone you know.

Here's the thing though, and I mean this kindly, you're not doing her any favours charging like that. You're just teaching her your work is worth four quid an hour and a hug. And she's grand with the $200, of course she is. She knows good work when she sees it, she's telling everyone about it, she trusts you. That's exactly the kind of person who'll pay you properly and still be delighted.

I had a similar yoke years ago with a friend of a friend who wanted a print of the Claddagh for her mother's 60th. Charged her next to nothing, spent ages on it, and she was thrilled, but the next year the sister wanted one and I'd set my own price floor in the dirt. Had to climb back out of it slowly, bit by bit, feeling like a gouger every time I put it up.

You've done the hard part now, you said $200 and she said ok. Next time, you know. And the time after that, you'll know a bit more. Takes a while to get used to the idea that you're worth what you charge, but you'll get there.

Sol ReyesOP·4w

oh the "grand with the $200" bit hit me right in the chest because you're so right and i hate it 😭

the hug payment. that's exactly what it is. i've been telling myself i'm being generous but really i'm just too scared to find out what the actual number is. and the $200 thing, she didn't even flinch. i could've cried right there honestly. like oh. oh that's what i'm worth. been selling myself short for years and she knew it before i did.

you're dead on about teaching people what your work costs too. that one stings. i've trained everyone in my life to think a portrait is $150 and a lot of love. undoing that is gonna be its own whole nightmare