Noticed tonight that the middle of my palette is one gray-brown mass that I keep reactivating with water instead of squeezing out anything new. Burnt sienna, ultramarine, a little hansa yellow in there somewhere. It's basically mud with a history.

It started because I was trying to stretch paint during the school break, and now it's August and I'm still doing it. Squeezing a fresh blob off the tube feels almost wasteful, like I'm spending money I don't have on a color I could just fake. Which is silly, tubes cost what they cost and I bought them already.

But here's the thing I actually noticed. Everything I've painted since spring has the same temperature to it. That grayed-out look. Even the porch light in the painting on my easel right now, which should be warm, has this dead olive cast because I mixed it out of the pile instead of starting clean.

So tomorrow I'm scraping the whole thing down to the white. Scraping it, not wet-paper-toweling it. Getting the plastic knife out and everything. I've got a tube of cad yellow light that's been sitting unopened since my birthday in May.

The kids go back next week and I'll have my evenings again. That's part of it I think. Hard to start anything new when you're snatching twenty minutes at a time.