Starting is the part that kills me, so I have a stupid rule now
I'm not allowed to leave the studio without making the first mark on the next thing. That's it. One mark. Usually it's a line I don't even like, just to break the white.
Because the white is the whole problem. I can stand there for an hour rearranging jars like the jars are the issue. They are not the issue. The issue is that an untouched sheet of paper is a promise and every mark I make on it is a disappointment for about twenty minutes.
Today it was a shoulder. Just a shoulder, no head, no body, nothing that made sense yet. Took me about four seconds. Sat back down and suddenly I had something to argue with, and arguing is the only way I actually work.
The rule sounds so dumb written out. But it's the only thing that's gotten me into the studio seven days in a row this month.
What's the dumb thing you do to get started? I want to steal it.
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The rule is good, but I would argue with one half of your diagnosis. The white isn't a promise. That is the story we tell ourselves while rearranging the jars. White is just a ground with nothing on it yet, and the promise is a thing you invented to make the standing still feel noble.
I say this as someone who spent years doing the same. What helped me was not the first mark but making it deliberately bad, so there was nothing left to protect. A shoulder with no head is exactly right. Once the surface is compromised, the preciousness goes out of it and you can work.
The jars, though. I still move my jars. Some habits are not the problem.
The deliberately bad mark is the part I'd underline. I tell students to ruin the corner first, with something they'd never sign. It works because the white stops being a judge and becomes a material you've already handled.
Only place I'd part ways: white isn't neutral either. It has a temperature and a weight, and on a big raw canvas it's the loudest thing in the room. That's not a promise exactly, but it's not nothing. I still gesso warm and leave a bit of it showing, so the first mark has something to argue with rather than falling into a void.
Warm gesso, ok, that's the thing I'm going to be thinking about at 2am. I've been treating white like it's the enemy and you're saying it's a colour with an opinion. Big difference and I don't like how obvious it is now that you've said it.
"Something they'd never sign" is going straight into my head. The corner ruin. Because my version is still a little bit precious, I'm making a mark I could rescue if I had to. Yours sounds like it actually burns the boat.
Ok you got me, "the promise" is a story and I'm the one telling it. But I'd push back a little: the standing still doesn't feel noble when I'm doing it, it feels like garbage. So maybe it's less a story than a cope I didn't know I was running.
The deliberately bad thing though. That's the part I'm stealing. I've been making the first mark like it's a small apology, and you're saying make it ugly on purpose and then there's nothing left to ruin. That's a completely different move and it's smarter than mine.
Also the jars are load bearing and I will not be taking questions about it.