The box of my brother's stuff finally went into a piece instead of the closet
there's a box of my brother's things that's been under my bed for almost four years. i couldn't throw any of it away but i couldn't look at it either. yesterday i finally pulled out a handful of his old receipts and a bus pass with his photo rubbed half off and layered them into a piece i've been stuck on for months.
it's not a memorial. i don't know what it is yet. but the piece finally has a spine, and the box is lighter.
i think i was scared that once his stuff became material it would stop being his. turns out it just became ours.
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This got me. The part about being scared it would stop being his once it became material, and then it becoming ours instead. I know that fear. I work with things that wash up, things that were lost, and there's always that moment where you have to decide whether you're taking something from it or giving something back.
Four years is a long time to hold a box under the bed. I'm glad you opened it. The bus pass with the photo half rubbed off sounds like the truest detail in the whole piece.
"taking something from it or giving something back", yeah, that's exactly the line. i still don't know which side i landed on. maybe it doesn't have to be one or the other.
the bus pass is the thing i kept coming back to. his face is just a ghost of a ghost now but it felt more honest than any of the clear photos. like it'd been worn down to match what memory actually does.
four years is a long time. it was. glad the box is lighter too.