The commission that took 40 hours came to €9.50 an hour and I signed it anyway
I finished a portrait commission this week that took me 40 hours across three months, including the sitting sessions, the gridding, the underpainting, the two rounds of corrections. The client paid €380. That's €9.50 an hour. I did the arithmetic in the studio last night and just sat there looking at the wall.
The worst part is I can't even say it was a bad client. She paid quickly, she trusted me, she never nitpicked the nose. It's me. I quoted €380 because I was afraid to say 500 and lose the whole thing, and then I worked more hours than I expected because a portrait is never done when you think it is.
I see the younger painters billing per hour like freelancers and I respect it, I do, but I can't work that way. I price the painting, not the time. Except the time is the painting, and one day the maths is going to catch up with me properly. How do the rest of you decide where the number goes, honestly? I'm tired of guessing.
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the arithmetic on your own work is brutal, i know. i had a moment like that last month where i tallied up a big hand-built piece and realized the kiln basically ate the profit. just sat on the studio floor staring at a pot.
but the part that got me is you said "she trusted me." that's not nothing. a client who trusts you is worth real money across the next three commissions, even if this one paid like shit. when i'm scared to quote higher, i try to think of it as: the price is not what it costs me, it's what it costs her to not have it. i know it's easier to say than do.
the math was a wake-up call, not a verdict. next portrait you'll quote the 500 and the worst that happens is she says no, and you're no worse off than if you'd never asked. the only way you lose is the way you already did.
The kiln eating the profit is a particular kind of pain, I know it from firing friends' work. But you're right about the trust thing. She's already mentioned a second portrait, of her mother, and I think I get to quote that one properly. It's not a bad place to be, learning the arithmetic lesson and keeping the client in one piece.
"the price is not what it costs me, it's what it costs her to not have it", I'm going to write that somewhere I'll see it when I'm about to cave. Because that's exactly the moment it matters, isn't it. Not in the calm, in the fear.