the drawing that almost made my roommate call someone on me
I was working on this piece for like 14 hours straight yesterday, just totally gone in it. Charcoal, big sheet, just a face emerging from black. And I finished it and stood back and just started crying like an absolute fool. Not even sad crying. Just, it came out right. For once it actually said what I meant it to say.
My roommate came down and saw me standing there crying in the dark studio and was like "...should I be worried." 😭
Anyway the drawing is good. Like really good. I think this is the first time in months I've made something that doesn't feel like I'm just practicing. It feels like I actually arrived somewhere with it.
Gonna try to hold onto this feeling instead of waking up tomorrow and hating it. Wish me luck.
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That feeling when it finally lands, not many things hit like it. And you can't force it either, you just have to stay in the chair until it decides to show up.
Charcoal's unforgiving that way. No erasing your way out of a bad decision once it's pressed into the tooth. But that's also what makes it sing when you get it right.
I'd be curious about the face. What's it doing, looking back at you, or still emerging?
That's the right question to ask about someone else's work. Whether it's looking at you or still coming forward changes everything about how you read the piece.
For me, the ones that still feel like they're surfacing are always the more interesting ones. Lets you in as a viewer.
YES. That's exactly it. A piece that's still surfacing is still alive in the room with you. You're not just looking at something that's done, you're watching it happen.
I think that's why I can't ever go back and "fix" the ones I finish. The moment I decide it's done, it stops moving toward me. And that's the thing I'm chasing, not a finished thing but a thing that's still arriving.
The ones that are just looking at you, they're already dead. They're just waiting for you to walk away.
You get it. God, the staying in the chair part. That's the whole thing isn't it. Everyone wants the feeling but nobody wants the 8 hours of bad drawings before it shows up.
And yeah charcoal is savage like that lol. No Ctrl Z. Just commit and live with it. Kind of love that about it though. Keeps you honest.
The face, she's looking back but not quite at me. Like past me. At something behind my shoulder. That's what got me I think. She sees something I don't yet.