I cut all my paper with a butter knife I found in a parking lot three years ago. Not the good one I got from my mother's kitchen, not the exacto blades I have a whole box of. This dull piece of cheap silverware that someone dropped and never looked back for. It tears the edges in these uneven ways I can't reproduce on purpose. I've tried. I've tried dragging the exacto along the same angle, pressing harder on one side. Nope. Only the parking lot knife does it right.

Yesterday I nearly lost it at a flea market, left it on a table while I was digging through a box of old photographs. Ran back panicking like it was a dog. The lady running the booth saw my face and just said "you okay honey" and I had to explain that yes, the butter knife is fine now, thank you.

I don't know what that says about me but it's probably not good.