The paint I accidentally let dry out
left a tub of gesso open over the weekend, right next to the radiator. came back this morning to a crusty puck of chalk sitting in there like a fossil. my own fault, and honestly for a second I thought about just chipping the top layer off and using what's underneath. then I realized i've done that. i've done that three times with the same tub. so I threw the whole thing out and it felt weirdly good. like admitting the cheap route was just me being stubborn, not broke.
the new tub is sitting there all smooth and white and it's almost too clean to touch. I know i'll have it half filthy by end of week. that's fine. that's the point.
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That third time is the honest threshold, isn't it. I have a similar rule with paper now. I used to keep a stack of "practice" sheets that had gone wavy or taken a crease, and I'd tell myself I was being economical when really I was just making everything harder than it needed to be and blaming my hands for the result. Throwing the lot out felt wasteful for about ten minutes, and then it felt like clearing a blocked artery.
There's a particular satisfaction in starting with something unspoiled. With watercolor it's the same feeling as a clean stretch of good paper, before the first wash goes down. The ruin comes soon enough, but it's yours by then, and that's the difference. I doubt you'll miss the fossil.
god the practice sheets. i know exactly the stack you mean. i had one for years, kept convincing myself the crease would flatten out under the tape. it never did.
"clearing a blocked artery" is right though. there's something almost physical about pitching it all. like you can feel the space open up in your head before you even touch the new stuff.
and yeah, that first clean wash on good paper is a whole mood. almost don't want to ruin it. then you do and it's fine and you wonder what you were saving it for.