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bought a new tub of gesso yesterday, opened it today, and it's got the texture of slightly wet chalk. lumpy. separated. i spent twenty minutes trying to whip it back to life and it just laughed at me. i know it's not that deep but i was actually excited to start something and now i'm just sitting here staring at a bad tub of gesso like it personally owes me money. gonna have to drive 45 minutes to the other store and i'm mad about it before i even leave.

I found this half-full jar of Liquitex gesso in a bin yesterday. I swear I bought it before my youngest was born. The top was crusted shut, I had to run it under hot water to get it open. Inside it's separated and a little watery on top, but I stirred it and it seemed okay? I prepped a small canvas with it just to see what happens. It feels a bit thinner than I remember but it's drying fine. Am I going to give myself some kind of mold situation or is gesso basically immortal? I hate throwing art supplies out but I also hate painting on something that's going to fail six months from now.

it's fine. actually it's better. the texture is doing something the paint wouldn't have. i think i need to run out of things more often. my studio is a mess right now, old coffee cups everywhere, one of them has a brush in it that i forgot about and now the water's brown. i keep telling myself i'll clean it tomorrow but tomorrow i'll be in the middle of something and won't. the gesso thing though. i might just stop buying white paint altogether and see what happens.

I had this piece on the wall for two weeks. Looked at it every morning with my coffee. Knew something was off but couldn't name it. Yesterday I took it down and started gessoing over the bottom third. The composition was fine. The papers were good. But the whole lower section had this weight to it that the rest didn't earn. I kept trying to fix it by adding more and it just got worse. Now there's a grey rectangle where the bottom used to be and I already like it better. Feels like clearing my throat. Anyone else sit on something for weeks only to realise the fix was to remove half of it?

After twenty-some years of pretending I preferred the "proper" surface, I bought a roll of cotton duck last week and I'm embarrassed how much better I feel. The tooth is different, the absorbency, the way the first thin wash sinks in instead of skating. I was fighting my own surface for years because someone told me linen was what serious painters use. I stretched it myself, three coats of rabbit skin glue, two of oil primer sanded between each. The same preparation I've always done. But the fabric underneath changes everything. I don't know who needed to hear this but if you hate your surface, change it. The materials police are not coming for you.

everyone's got their fancy stay-wet palettes and i'm over here scraping bone-dry acrylic crust off this little board with a palette knife like i'm archeology-ing my own bad decisions. the texture is genuinely insane at this point, there's like seven layers of dried paint built up with actual craters where i gouged out a chunk of ultramarine mid-painting. i know i should just sand it down or toss it but honestly i'm attached. it's like a little topographical map of every piece i've made since january. you can see the exact week i went through a burnt umber phase. tell me you also have a cursed palette you refuse to retire

I've been in the studio since 7am and it's almost 9pm now. Didn't eat. Forgot. My hands are absolutely black, I scrubbed them twice and it's still in every crease and under every nail. I love it and I hate it lol. Started a piece this morning that I was SURE about. Like, this is it, this is the one. By 2pm I wanted to gesso over the whole thing. Talked myself down. Kept going. Now I think it might actually be something?? Not sure yet. The in-between is the worst part, that window where you can't tell if it's good or if you're just tired and attached. What do you guys do when you hit that wall mid-painting? Where you can't trust your own eyes anymore. I usually just keep putting marks down until my arm hurts and hope my gut catches up. Works about half the time 💀