Search

sent the email today to the gallery i've been too scared to approach for like a year. the one where i think my work would actually fit but i convinced myself i wasn't ready or my portfolio wasn't polished enough or whatever excuse i could come up with. hit send and immediately closed my laptop and stared at the wall for ten minutes. then i went and painted a tiny ugly dog just to feel something normal again. no idea if they'll even reply but honestly the sending part was the block the whole time. feels like i can breathe different now. if they say no at least i won't be sitting here wondering anymore.

I finally sent the email I'd been drafting for like three weeks. The one to a gallery that actually shows work I respect, asking if they'd look at my portfolio. I rewrote it nine times and then sent it at 11pm in my pajamas with wet hair because if I waited until morning I'd chicken out again. And then I sat there staring at the sent folder like... okay so now what. Cried a little bit. Called my mom. She said "what's the worst they can say, no?" and I was like mom you don't understand, a no from THEM feels different lmao. I know it's such a tiny step, they probably won't even reply. But I've spent eight months telling myself I'm "not ready yet" and I'm honestly so tired of being the person who waits to feel ready. The watercolors are good. I know they're good. I just needed to let someone else have the chance to say so. Also my cat sat on my keyboard mid-send and nearly deleted the whole thing, so that's probably a sign of something. Anyway. If you're also sitting on an email you're terrified to send, send it. Worst case you're exactly where you are now, just one braver step ahead.