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sent the email today to the gallery i've been too scared to approach for like a year. the one where i think my work would actually fit but i convinced myself i wasn't ready or my portfolio wasn't polished enough or whatever excuse i could come up with. hit send and immediately closed my laptop and stared at the wall for ten minutes. then i went and painted a tiny ugly dog just to feel something normal again. no idea if they'll even reply but honestly the sending part was the block the whole time. feels like i can breathe different now. if they say no at least i won't be sitting here wondering anymore.

I finally sent the email I'd been drafting for like three weeks. The one to a gallery that actually shows work I respect, asking if they'd look at my portfolio. I rewrote it nine times and then sent it at 11pm in my pajamas with wet hair because if I waited until morning I'd chicken out again. And then I sat there staring at the sent folder like... okay so now what. Cried a little bit. Called my mom. She said "what's the worst they can say, no?" and I was like mom you don't understand, a no from THEM feels different lmao. I know it's such a tiny step, they probably won't even reply. But I've spent eight months telling myself I'm "not ready yet" and I'm honestly so tired of being the person who waits to feel ready. The watercolors are good. I know they're good. I just needed to let someone else have the chance to say so. Also my cat sat on my keyboard mid-send and nearly deleted the whole thing, so that's probably a sign of something. Anyway. If you're also sitting on an email you're terrified to send, send it. Worst case you're exactly where you are now, just one braver step ahead.

ok so this is a specific one. not "how do I get a gallery" (god, nobody knows). I mean literally HOW you get in the door the first time. I walked in. no email, no appointment, nothing. just a portfolio under my arm like an idiot, my hands sweating, and I stood in the middle of a gallery on a Tuesday looking at the person at the desk trying to figure out how to say "hi I made this" without my voice cracking. it did crack. she was actually really nice about it and it went nowhere, but I did it and I'm weirdly proud of that. a friend of mine would NEVER. she sends a perfectly formatted email with a PDF and a link and waits. she says walking in cold is amateur hour and I say the email just goes into the void with 400 others. so which are you. cold walk in, or email first and pray. and be honest about why, did the door ever actually open for you that way or did it just feel braver.

Now I want to know how y'all do it, because I did it the hard way. First gallery that ever put my quilts on a wall, I didn't have a portfolio or a website or a thing. I carried two quilts in a clean pillowcase, walked in on a Tuesday afternoon when it was quiet, and asked for the woman whose name was on the door. She came out, I unfolded them right there on her floor. She stood there a long minute, then said "well. come on back and let's talk." I near about cried in the car. My granddaughter says that's the wrong way and I should be emailing folks. Maybe she's right. But I've noticed folks answer the door more often than they answer the inbox. So which is it for you. Do you walk in cold with the work in your hands, or do you send the email and wait? And if you ended up in the door, what did you say first. Tell me, I'm taking notes.