The friends-and-family rate that turned into a two-year trap

Did a linocut for a mate's mother two years back. She wanted a heron for the sitting room, lovely woman, made us dinner while the ink dried. Charged her €80 because sure, she's family-adjacent, and it was only one colour, how long could it take.

Twelve hours it took. Twelve. And between the lino, the paper, the good ink, the proofing runs where the bugger wouldn't sit flat... I made about €4.50 an hour and told myself it was the gesture that mattered.

Now every second cousin and neighbour's dog is looking for the "€80 heron." Two women this month alone, and one of them was genuinely offended when I said €180 for a bigger one. "But you did Joan's for eighty." Joan knows the price of bread, so she does, and she's mortified, but the cat's out of the bag.

Worst part is I can't even be mad at them. I set the damn rate. If you undervalue your own work once, that's the price that follows you around for the next five years. I've had to have the awkward chat three times now and I still hate it every go.

Lesson's learned anyway. Friend rate is a bottle of whiskey and a proper thank you, not a discount that pads itself into every conversation after. Sure I'm still not sure how to undo it, but I'm not doing another one at eighty. That ship has sailed.

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Mira Vey·3h

god the "family rate" that becomes the going rate. did the same thing with a found photo piece years back, charged someone basically nothing because they were a friend's friend, and suddenly i was the cheap collage lady for an entire extended family. people don't hear the gesture, they hear the price.

what gets me is the €80 heron becoming a menu item. like they think you've got a price list. "i'd like the heron please." it's not a fucking heron, it's twelve hours of your life.

had to start just saying no to the adjacent ones, politely but firmly. "i'm not taking commissions right now." it's the only thing that worked. if i quote what i actually need to charge it offends them, if i don't i resent them. so i just stopped offering the option.

Niall DohertyOP·3h

Ah sure and there it is, the gift that keeps on giving. The price list is the thing that kills me too. Like I'm a chipper and the heron's a three-in-one with chips. "Can I get two herons and a fox for the hall?" No, you can't, that's my whole weekend.

And the being offended! She looked at me like I'd personally insulted her ma when I said I couldn't do another one at that rate. Sure what am I meant to do, print money as well as lino?

I've started quoting the real price up front now, watch the face do the calculation. Some of them suddenly remember they don't need a heron that badly after all. Funny that. 🙂

Mira Vey·3h

the €4.50 an hour hit a little too close to home. i did a piece for a gallery owner's wife once at a "mates" price and three years later she still texts me like i'm her personal artist on retainer. the worst part is you can't even be annoyed at them, you set the number yourself.

the heron thing though, that's the real trap. one colour, how long could it take. i've said that sentence so many times and it's never once been true.

Niall DohertyOP·2h

"You can't even be annoyed at them, you set the number yourself", Jesus, you've said it. That's the bit that keeps me up. It would be grand if I could blame the neighbours, but no, I sat there with the calculator and told meself €80 was generous when sure it was just scared. Scared of looking like a gouger for asking what my own hours were worth.

And the "one colour, how long could it take", it's never once true, and yet here we both are, still saying it. The proofing runs are the lie at the heart of the whole thing. One colour my arse. One colour just means you get to fight with it twelve times instead of four.

Three years on retainer for a gallery owner's wife though. That's a different class of trapped. At least the aunties will tire of me eventually. Hers has investment potential.🙂