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ok so this is embarrassing and i'm probably the only person who does this but when i'm mixing colors, like really sitting there trying to nail a specific green or getting a skin tone right, i have a playlist i made that's literally just the first 30 seconds of songs repeated. like the buildup part over and over. i don't know why it works but my brain just turns off the "am i doing this right" noise and i can actually feel what the color needs. my partner walked in the other day and was like "...is this the same song?" and i had to explain myself and it sounded insane. but the color i mixed after that? genuinely the best warm grey i've ever made. so i'm not sorry hahaha does anyone else have a weird little ritual that sounds dumb but actually does something for your work??

honestly this is such a stupid thing to be bothered by but we were on the phone last night, she's asking how the work is going, and then she goes "so what do you actually do all day though? like hour by hour" and I just. sat there. because the answer is I spent four hours on monday watching a single wash dry and re-doing it three times because the first two went chalky on me, and then I ate lunch standing up, and then I stared at the same window (the one from my apartment, the one I keep painting) and decided the light was wrong and did nothing for the rest of the afternoon. that IS the job. and I couldn't say that to her because it sounds like nothing!! it sounds like I'm lying to her!! so I said "a lot of prep and color mixing" which is technically true and also a total dodge. the thing is she's not even being mean, she genuinely wants to understand, she's just got a whole lifetime of "work = you go somewhere and someone tells you what to do" and I quit the café eight months ago and I think she's still quietly worried, and every time I fumble the answer I'm basically confirming the worry. anyway. called her back and explained the wash thing properly and she said "oh, like waiting for paint to dry, that's actually kind of nice" and I almost cried. she gets it more than I gave her credit for.

there's this canvas i started like eight months ago that went nowhere. composition was trash, colors were muddy, i hated it. but instead of gessoing over it i started using a corner of it to test brush loads and color mixes before they hit the actual canvas. like a palette that hangs on the wall. fast forward to now and it's completely covered in random swatches and drips and accidental blends that look better than anything i've done on purpose. it's this chaotic artifact of every painting i've made since february. i keep catching myself staring at it instead of the thing i'm supposed to be working on. half tempted to sign it and call it a day.

Okay, the glazing station is basically a crime scene. I have three buckets with murky water, like, a week's worth of brushes in various stages of 'drying' (read: crusty), and there's this one specific shade of blue glaze that has somehow gotten onto EVERYTHING. My apron, my hands, the shelf, probably my hair. I swear, I try to be tidy, vale? But then I get lost in mixing colors and things just... happen. Anyone else's creative space look like a Jackson Pollock painting after a mud fight?

Swept the studio floor for the first time in... I don't want to say. The pile of paint flakes I scraped off the palette over the last month could've filled a cereal bowl. Looked almost pretty tbh, all the colors mixed together like confetti. I almost kept it. Instead I threw it out and immediately got back to work and made a mess again. So the floor is already on its way back. I don't know why I pretend the cycle matters. It's never going to stop being a disaster in here. The good part is the paint flakes used to bother me. Like the mess was a sign I was doing it wrong. Now I sort of think of it as proof of life. Like if the floor's clean something's off.

Okay so three years ago in school I was trying to mix a stormy gray and instead produced this absolutely foul brownish-green, like the color of hospital cafeteria food, and I was so mad I almost threw the palette across the room. But I kept a little swatch of it in my sketchbook because I don't know, I thought maybe it'd be funny someday. Today I fished it out and I'm honestly obsessed. It's genuinely hideous. It's not a color you'd ever choose. But I've been staring at it all afternoon and I think there's something in it, like it's the exact color of "almost wrong" and you can't buy that in a tube. I mixed it again from memory and I got it almost identical, which is honestly the most pointless skill I've ever developed, and I'm considering a whole little series of paintings built around it. My partner just looked at the swatch and said "that's the one you kept??" with such genuine confusion and I feel so vindicated. Anyone else got a color they should have thrown out but couldn't? Or am I just weird about my own failures haha

ok so i have this rule that i made for myself like a year ago, no painting after 10pm because i make genuinely deranged decisions with color when i'm tired and then i wake up and look at it and want to cry. but i've broken it three nights this week because i got obsessed with this one corner of my apartment where the light hits at night and it's like. i know i'm going to regret it tomorrow but i can't stop?? last night i mixed a color that was supposed to be a soft grey shadow and it came out looking like moldy avocado and i just kept going. this morning i covered it with white and started over and honestly i don't even know if i'm mad about it because something good might come out of the wreckage lol. does anyone else have a rule like this that you're constantly ignoring? or is it just me being bad at boundaries with my own work?

I spent all Sunday afternoon on a landscape, trying to get this one tree just right. I think I finally mixed a color for the bark that felt authentic, but then the branches... they just look a bit stiff, you know? It's so close to what I see in my head, but not quite. Anyone else get that 'almost there' feeling and just have to put the brush down before they ruin it completely?

cleaned my palette finally after like two weeks of painting over the same dried crust and found a fork i'd been using to stir a tiny batch of paint. it had teal on it. i don't remember eating with it. i don't remember cooking. i think i just lived off cereal for a week and the fork migrated. anyway the palette is clean now and i hate it. too bright. i keep glancing at it expecting to see the ghost of every color i've mixed this month. might go ruin it again out of spite.

i just dug through every drawer in this studio and discovered i own three tubes of burnt umber, all different brands, none of them more than half used. and not a single tube of black paint. not even a dried up one. i must have thrown the last one out at some point and just never replaced it. which is fine, i don't really use black straight out of the tube anyway. but it made me stop and think about what i reach for without noticing. burnt umber is basically my default for everything, shadows, underpainting, mixing down a color that's too bright. it's the first thing i squeeze out. and i didn't even know i was doing it until i saw three of them lined up like a little monument to autopilot. what's the thing you have five of without meaning to

there's this one shitty wooden chair i bought for $8 at a garage sale six years ago. it's not comfortable. the seat is too hard and one leg is slightly shorter so it rocks a little. but if i try to paint sitting anywhere else, the couch, my desk chair, the floor, i literally cannot get into it. i'll sit there for 20 minutes mixing the same three colors and then go find something else to do. but that stupid chair? i sit down and my brain just switches over. it's like a sleeper agent activation code or something. i don't even think about it until i try to paint somewhere else and nothing happens. idk what the psychology is there. pavlov's uncomfortable painting chair. anyway i'm pretty sure my back is ruined in like 10 years but the paintings are getting done so we take those

I timed myself mixing the same three colors this morning because I saw the jar of cobalt go down and I couldn't believe it. Twelve minutes. Twelve minutes just moving paint around on the glass, and half of it I couldn't even tell you what I was doing, it's so automatic. But the jar is half empty and my daughter said, "Maman, you're not painting, you're just stirring." She's not wrong. And also she's completely wrong. The stirring is where the painting happens, half the time. The color has to be right before it ever touches the canvas or you might as well be fighting the whole way. I didn't say any of that to her. Just told her to eat her breakfast. Worth it though. That gray-green I've been chasing for a week, it sat down about eight minutes in and said yes.

I've been working on this little still life for three days, just lemons and a blue cloth, nothing fancy, and I mixed this gorgeous warm shadow color yesterday, like a deep ochre-y purple, it was PERFECT. Came back this morning and it's dried into this weak, chalky lavender thing that has absolutely nothing to do with what I saw on my palette. And I KNOW gouache dries down, I know this, I've been painting with it for years, but it still gets me every time. I just sat there staring at it like... who are you. I tried glazing a thin wash of the original mix back over it and now it looks muddy and overworked and I think I need to just let it dry again and reassess but I'm so annoyed. The lemons were looking so good 😭 Has anyone found a reliable way to predict the dry-down shift or is it just eternal suffering and learning to mix everything a little punchier than you think you need?

I keep a small notebook where I log every pigment I've ever bought: the manufacturer, the series number, the lightfastness rating, the date I first mixed it, and a brush swipe of the color once it's dried. Forty-seven pages now, and this afternoon I counted. I have eleven different blues. That's not a confession of extravagance. Eleven blues each do a genuinely different thing, and I can defend every single one of them. But then I flipped to the greens and realized I own six viridian-adjacent tubes that are, if I'm being honest with myself, within a hair of each other on the page. One of them I bought because the shop had it in a display tray and the label was printed in a serif typeface I liked. I teach a class every spring, and I tell my students the first week that you need exactly three yellows, two reds, and two blues, and everything else is laziness or vanity. I believe that, too. It's just that I am apparently a very good student and a very poor practitioner of my own advice. The serif typeface got me.

okay so I went in for one tube of something neutral today and came out with a tube of "decayed rose," "moody willow," and "antique brass" and I have no defense for it. the colors are gorgeous and I'll use them all but I know exactly why I bought them, it's the NAMES. I want to feel like a poet while I'm mixing my palette. I want to say "I started this piece with a wash of decayed rose" and sound devastating. I'm not even ashamed honestly except slightly because I do this every single time and my partner just looks at the receipt and goes "which one is for the window painting" and it's never the one I bought. the worst part is yesterday I painted with a technically perfect color called "indian yellow" (which I hate the name of btw, colonial vibes, we should rename it) and it was fine but I didn't feel anything. meanwhile "decayed rose" is just a muted pink I could have mixed in five seconds. the marketing got me good. I'm a trained professional and I fell for color name poetry. does anyone else buy paints for the names or am I the only one paying $14 for a fantasy

i've been on this orange and blue thing for a week now, like a full painting where those two are basically the whole conversation. and every single time i mix them they turn to straight mud before i even get the brush down. i know it's literally just color theory, they're opposites, obviously they gray out. but i keep doing it anyway like i think this time physics will let it slide. the annoying part is the reference photo is right there and the sky has that orange-pink going and the water is this electric blue and they somehow exist next to each other without turning into a brown puddle. so it's not the combo, it's me. i'm not layering it right or i'm over-mixing on the palette or i just don't trust the paint enough to let it sit. spent the whole afternoon on one small study and threw the cloth over it out of spite. i'll pick it back up tomorrow probably and hate it again. twenty dollars in paint to learn i should've just scumbled. anyway. anyone else ever win this fight or do i just paint brown forever

Ordered a brick of Venetian smalti, the deep inky blue I always use for sky. It arrived a completely different tone, colder, almost grey. I emailed the supplier and then I just... kept it. Sat with the box open for two days. Now I'm building the whole piece around it. The sky is that funny cold blue and I had to change everything else to make it work, the water, the figures, everything shifted. I don't think I've made a better decision this month. There's something about being forced off your usual color that shakes you up. I know every blue I own, I've mixed them a thousand times, and suddenly here's one I don't know at all and it's making me see the whole composition fresh. Anyway the supplier finally wrote back asking if I wanted a replacement. Honestly I might order the same wrong batch again on purpose.

ok so I quit the cafe job eight months ago and I'm supposed to be on a budget and last week I walked into the art store for ONE tube of titanium white and walked out with six tubes of gouache because they had that MaimeriBlu display up and the swatches were wet and I have no self control when paint is wet on paper. anyway. the one that's wrecking me is this weird dull green, kind of a swamp olive, and I've been mixing that exact green for MONTHS with pthalo and yellow ochre and never quite getting it, always too bright or too chalky, and now it's just THERE. in the tube. premixed. sitting on my palette like an insult. I've repainted the same corner of my window (the part where the light hits the sill around 4pm, there's a chip in the paint there and I keep painting the chip) probably eleven times this week. eleven. and it's closer than it's ever been and I want to cry a little bit about a green. the money thing is genuinely scary though. I did the math on what I actually spend on pigment versus what my partner spends on groceries and I put the receipt in a drawer face down which is a real coping strategy I have. does anyone else have a color that they finally just bought premixed after years of pretending they could mix it themselves, or am I the only one lying to myself about my own palette

ok so I mixed this green glaze a month ago and every cone 6 firing it's a whole different color. first batch came out a deep forest with a matte finish, second one bright almost jade, third one this weird grey-green that I actually hated and then loved by the end of the week. same recipe, same bucket, same clay body. the only variable is how long I let it sit between firings and I'm starting to think that's the whole story. I've got three vessels sitting in the same kiln load right now, all dipped in the same bucket at the same time, and I'm genuinely nervous they'll come out as three different greens. which would be fine if I wasn't trying to sell them as a set. I know the ceramic answer is probably "just mix it fresh every time" but there's something I like about the unreliability, you know? like the glaze has its own mood that day. is that a cop-out or is that actually a thing people lean into?

client asked for navy, cream, and blush pink. my entire body recoiled. i paint like a highlighter exploded, i do not do coastal grandma. but rent was rent so i did it anyway and honestly it's one of the best things i've made this year. the palette forced me to actually think about composition instead of just slapping the loudest color on everything. hate that. now i'm worried i'm gonna start pre-mixing muted tones like some kind of traitor.