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sold a mixed-media piece last week to some guy who saw it in the window of the cafe where i sometimes hang work. he was enthusiastic, which i'm not used to, so i was already suspicious. anyway he messages me yesterday saying he loves it but could i just "tighten up" the torn edges on the bottom right. says they look "accidental." they're supposed to look accidental. that's the whole point. i told him the piece is finished and he can return it if he wants. he got huffy like i was being difficult on purpose. i am being difficult on purpose. but also it's done. you bought a thing that exists. you don't get to edit it after.

Sold a 16×20 mixed media piece this week for $220. Took me about 11 hours all in. So that's $20/hr before materials, which is par for the course I guess. But here's the part that actually stings: $84 of it went to materials. Not the fancy stuff either. A tube of good titanium white is $18 now. A roll of decent paper. Found photo from a flea market. So I cleared maybe $130 and the buyer will hang it above their couch and someday their grandkid will donate it to a thrift store. And I'll still do it again next week because this is the only thing that doesn't feel like dying by inches. I keep telling myself the math gets better once the work gets known. But I've been telling myself that for four years.

had a woman reach out about a piece for her new apartment. wanted something "meaningful" but she kept circling back to can you do it for less. i gave her my actual number, $400 for a 16x20 mixed media on panel, which is already on the low side for me. she did that thing where they pause too long and then say "okay" in a voice that means the opposite. i offered to do a smaller size or a simpler palette to bring it down and she said no she wanted the original idea. so i said alright well that's the price. she said she'd think about it. haven't heard back. it's been two weeks. the part that gets me is i know i could've quoted $250 and she'd have said yes and i'd be making the same thing for less and resenting it the whole time. but also $400 isn't nothing to me either so i'm sitting here like was i being stubborn or just not desperate yet. still don't know which one is true.

Took a piece in to get framed this week. Older guy, been doing it forty years, probably knows his stuff. He looks at the work for a long minute and goes "this is interesting, but why not just commit to canvas? you'd probably sell more." And I stood there going... what does that even mean. Commit. Like torn paper and acrylic washes and a few layers of charcoal is me chickening out. Like there's a correct material and everything else is me being indecisive. Didn't say much. Paid for the frame. It's a nice frame, he did good work. But I've been chewing on it for three days. There's this whole school of thought that if a thing isn't easily categorizable it's not finished. That mixed media is a phase before you find your real medium. Nobody says that to someone who only paints. They say "strong palette" or whatever. But the minute you're not pure, you're just... hedging. Ma'am I'm 45. I'm not hedging. I've been at this long enough to know exactly what I'm doing and it is not a compromise.

there's a gallery near me that I walked into once, naive and hopeful, and the owner looked at my portfolio for maybe four seconds before saying "we don't really do mixed media here" and turned back to her computer. no follow-up, no "maybe try elsewhere," just dismissed. I still think about it when I email anyone new. what's the moment a gallery made you feel like a nobody? the one that sticks with you. and did it ever turn out they were wrong?

went to a friend's opening last night and this man I've never met walks up to a piece I have in the show, it's this big mixed-media thing I worked on for months, central image is this dead elm against a gray sky, torn paper and charcoal and some old family photos collaged into the roots, and he goes "love the texture but you're burying the lede, that tree is a downer, crop it to just the bottom third and you've got something people would actually buy" i just stood there holding my wine. didn't say anything useful. just nodded like a malfunctioning toy. and now i'm lying in bed at 7am still replaying it and thinking about all the things i should have said. the tree is the whole point my guy. the tree is doing the work. you want me to make you a nice little abstract of some roots? go buy a print at homegoods.

Last year I traded a big mixed-media piece (about 3x4 feet, took me six weeks) for what I thought was "exposure" at a local gallery event. They were supposed to feature my work in their window for a month, promote it, the whole thing. They hung it in a hallway next to the bathrooms for two weeks. Then it went into storage and I'm pretty sure they lost track of it because I had to ask three times to get it back. Meanwhile I could have sold it for $1800, which I know because I had an offer two months before from someone who actually wanted it. I said no because I thought the trade was smarter. Trades are fine in theory but I think I need a hard rule now, if I wouldn't pay cash for what they're offering, it's not worth my materials let alone my time. What's your dumbest trade story so I feel less alone here?

when you're trying to get into a gallery for the first time, do you email them first or just show up with your work? i've done both and honestly the walk-in worked better for me but i think i just got lucky with the right person at the desk. email felt like throwing things into a hole. i walked into this one spot with a small mixed-media piece in a tote bag, basically sweating, and the owner came out and we talked for 20 minutes. didn't get in that time but she remembered me later. the emails i sent that same year i couldn't even tell you if anyone read. what's your move? have you ever had a cold walk-in actually go somewhere?

I still think about a piece I sold in 2022. 24x30, mixed media on panel, took me about 40 hours across three weeks. I charged $200 because I was terrified of asking for more and the person seemed nice and I wanted them to have it. $5 an hour. Before materials. I saw a photo of it in their living room recently (they tagged me) and I couldn't even be happy it was up somewhere. Just sat there doing the math in my head again like a weirdo. Three years later and I'm still mad at myself. I've raised my prices since then but not enough. I think there's a version of me that will always underprice because the part of me that grew up thinking making things isn't real work never fully went away.

Just finished the final invoice for that large mixed-media piece. Spent 3 weeks on it, materials were way more than I budgeted (who knew salvaged lace would get so pricey?), and my hourly rate worked out to something like $8 an hour. I’m almost afraid to raise my prices, but this isn’t sustainable. Feels like I'm stealing from myself.

That review still sits in my head months later. Two mixed-media pieces in a group show, and the writeup gave me one word: cluttered. Everything else got paragraphs. I know what they meant, I'm not even fully arguing with it. I do pile things on. Torn paper over charcoal over washes, found photos buried in there. I like the density. But now every time I'm building a piece I hear that word and I pull back, and the pieces get cleaner and also more boring. I keep trying to figure out if there's a version of busy that reads as rich instead of messy, or if I'm just defending a habit because it's mine. One of the two pieces in that show sold to someone who wrote me a note about what it meant to them, so clearly it landed on somebody. Doesn't stop the word from sticking though. Anyone else get one critique that reshaped how they work for months after, even while telling yourself not to let it?

spent three days on a mixed-media piece for a show, documented the whole thing in a nice polished reel, lighting, process shots, the works. maybe 200 views. next day i throw up a phone photo of the back of the canvas. just the staples and the raw edge where the paper tore. no caption, just "back side." 2.4k likes. people asking if it's for sale. i don't know what to do with that information. i don't want to just start posting half-finished trash for engagement. but also the stuff i labor over barely registers and the throwaway gets seen. feels like the platform is actively training me to make worse work.

I teach a watercolor workshop twice a year and I've noticed something I keep turning over. My students, most of them a decade or two younger, post every sketch, every failed wash, every reel of paint mixing. Their follower counts are triple mine. Meanwhile my studio sits on an Instagram account with about 1,100 followers, most of whom have been there since 2016 and probably don't even look at it anymore. The commissions still come, but they come through word of mouth, through the gallery, through someone who saw my work in a botanical garden exhibit two years ago. Not once through social media. I've tried the process videos. I've tried the timelapses. I find them slightly embarrassing to make, and the engagement was never more than a polite ripple. I'm not drawing a lesson from this. I say it because at forty-seven, I've stopped being able to tell whether I'm bad at social media or whether social media simply rewards a kind of performance I'm not interested in giving. My students deserve their audiences; they work for them. But I wonder how many of them will still be painting in twenty years, and whether the audience will still be there when the algorithm moves on to something else. I keep painting either way. The paper doesn't care about engagement.